A bit of a rant...

I am beginning to realize that I put off blogging until I have enough time to sit, think, and write it all down. By this point, it seems like I have WAY to much to talk about and tend to go on extremely long rants. Sorry for the long breaks in between and then the long novel type post, but I am reaching that point of needing to use my blog as a "diary" and "let it all out". So here goes...

1.) SO FRUSTRATED WITH OUR MOVE! Or should I say lack there of... We still have nothing planned or booked. This includes, but is not limited to my plane ticket to California for Kevin's graduation, the movers, ferry, hotels, housing, etc. Nothing...nada...zip! And to make matters even better there is a huge possibility I am going to have to get my bottom wisdom teeth out before they will approve me to move, so there is one more piece of the pie that is still not scheduled or known for certain. It feels like it is all just a waiting game... We have roughly 3 weeks until Kevin's graduation and when we should start our move, but who knows what is going on at this point. Oh, and I guess I should mention we found out that we will be in Kodiak for 3 years now...not 2!

2.) On a little more positive, and less hostile note, I found a job that I am DYING for! It is a Teen Center Supervisor position with the City of Kodiak's parks and recreation department (can you say PERFECT!) I sent off my application (and all of works of coarse) on Friday, January, 29th, which was the day the job opening closed. I have been feeling a little overwhelmed with the thought of applying for my first real job, but am so anxious and excited to so what happens. I received a call this past Saturday from the PARD director. We chatted for about 30 minutes, and I felt pretty good when we got off the phone. I guess you could call it an interview, although the questions seemed very basic and mostly about my background and previous work experience. I could hear him jotting down notes, so hopefully I said what he was wanting to hear! I keep praying this will work out. It feels like everything could finally be falling into place for Kevin and I, and its kinda crazy to think that we may finally get all of our ducks in a row in ALASKA of all places! God works in mysterious ways, and for some reason I just know there is some unforeseen reason why Kevin and I are being sent to Kodiak.

3.) Although the moving process has me pulling my hair out, I am genuinely ecstatic about this move. I called to request a relocation packet last week and it was sitting on bed when I got home last night. I ripped it open immediately and with each brochure and packet I read through, the more my heart started to race with excitement. It came with a demo of a DVD they are trying to put together. I sat down and watched it today and work, and it gave me goosebumps. The realization that that is where I am going to be living for the next couple of years really hit. And I can honestly say that I am not dreading this, or upset by any means...I can't wait to get up there!

4.) I get to see Kevin in 2 days!!! I fly out on Thursday, and will be in California for 6 days. I can't believe how fast time is flying by. I don't think I have fully realized that I am going to see him this week. I'm excited to sit down with him and look over all of the information we have received. We haven't seen each other since we found out we are moving to Kodiak, so I'm thankful we will have some time to sit down and try to get some things squared away. On top of that, I'm finally getting to meet his roommate who will be moving to Kodiak as well. (I have a feeling we will be spending a lot of time with him once we get there.)

5.) I have been looking forward to visiting Kevin for a few reasons. Obviously...I haven't seen him in about 5 weeks, so I'm dying to see his sweet face, but on top of that, I have been anticipating ovulation during my visit. Since the miscarriage it seems like all I have thought about is when will Kevin and I have the opportunity to try again. The timing didn't work out at Christmas, so this visit is our next chance. I have started taking my BBT (basal body temp) and charting to keep up with my cycle and to have a better idea of when I could possibly be ovulating. I missed two days of temps (Friday and Saturday) and I think I might have missed some crucial days. I took an ovulation prediction test today and guess what...I'm fertile today (expect ovulation within 24-36 hours). Of coarse I would be 1-2 days early. This has been hard news to deal with... I know that he will be done with school in 3 weeks and then we will be able to try every month, but I feel as if I am becoming desperate. I don't want to reach that point where I am constantly stressing about becoming pregnant, since I know stress can really reduce our chances, but its getting tough to not think about. The reality of it is, everyone who started out pregnant at the same time as me, are beginning to have their babies. And although I could not be happier for the families they are creating, I want one of my own so bad. The closer it gets to April, the more my heart sinks, and I think I keep telling myself that if I could be pregnant by then, all the pain, anger, jealousy, sadness, and frustration will go away. But once again, I have to remind myself that God works in mysterious ways, and it will all fall into place perfectly when the time is just right.

Ok... I think I got everything! I'm feeling much better now, so I will continue to work on my laundry and sit down and finally watch my shows.