"Life is uncharted territory. It reveals its story one moment at a time."
-Leo F. Buscaglia
-Leo F. Buscaglia
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
I Almost Forgot
This was taken last Sunday on my way home from town (sorry for the crappy picture..it's from my phone!) That big ol' monster of a mountain is called Barometer. We hope to hike it someday, but it takes roughly 8 hours to hike up and down it, and I don't think we are quite physically ready for that challenge!
But look at those sun rays!!! And everything is finally turning green... at least all this rain is good for something!
What is...
This warmth that is radiating off of my skin...what could is possibly be?!? Oh yea... the SUN! I forgot such a thing existed. But I must say, I have thoroughly enjoyed having sunshine the past TWO days! Yup, you read right...two FULL days IN A ROW!! No rain, clouds, or fog- man, life is good!
Now I can see why people talk about how beautiful Kodiak is in the summer. I really need to bust out my camera so I can prove to you that my new "home" really is quite beautiful when you get past the funky weather patterns.
A little something funny about Kodiak is apparently we are closer to the sun, so you tend to get burned much quicker here. I learned that lesson last Sunday when we had our first beautiful day. We sat outside in lawn chairs just trying to soak in every last ray we possibly could. Within an hour my entire right arm was scorched, and it didn't bother me... I was actually upset that my legs or face weren't the lucky ones to get a little color since I am looking like I could be a character straight out of Twilight these days. As much as I am against tanning beds, they sure have been calling my name lately...
The only bad part about all this wonderful sunshine is the heat. OK, I know that everyone from Texas who is reading this is about ready to jump through the computer and pop me in the face. The heat isn't bad... I would say that the past two SUNNY days have probably been high 70's, low 80's. I mean, it is absolutely perfect, BUT we don't have air conditioning in our house. We open the windows, and that helps some, but don't you dare think about turning on the oven! And I will be the first to admit...I like a cold house. We used to keep our house at about 72 before, and now it is 82 if the windows are closed. I'm melting....
But the worst part about having to open our windows is hearing everything outside of our house. For instance, the huge C-130 planes that fly right by us. OR when the Tsunami alarm goes off every Wednesday (think about the loudest, most scary sound EVER). OR when 15 of our neighbors decide to finally mow their lawn and BBQ at the same time, along with having a slip n' slide for their kids. When I come home from work, I want to sit down on the couch, watch my shows, and unwind...not listen to Mr. Rodgers and his "gang" hanging out having a brewski before bed.
But to be completely honest, if I had to choose between rain or dealing with a house that is hot as hell...I'll take the hot house. I know it wont last long, and I guess some fresh air wont kill me (now if I could only find some ear plugs...).
Now I can see why people talk about how beautiful Kodiak is in the summer. I really need to bust out my camera so I can prove to you that my new "home" really is quite beautiful when you get past the funky weather patterns.
A little something funny about Kodiak is apparently we are closer to the sun, so you tend to get burned much quicker here. I learned that lesson last Sunday when we had our first beautiful day. We sat outside in lawn chairs just trying to soak in every last ray we possibly could. Within an hour my entire right arm was scorched, and it didn't bother me... I was actually upset that my legs or face weren't the lucky ones to get a little color since I am looking like I could be a character straight out of Twilight these days. As much as I am against tanning beds, they sure have been calling my name lately...
The only bad part about all this wonderful sunshine is the heat. OK, I know that everyone from Texas who is reading this is about ready to jump through the computer and pop me in the face. The heat isn't bad... I would say that the past two SUNNY days have probably been high 70's, low 80's. I mean, it is absolutely perfect, BUT we don't have air conditioning in our house. We open the windows, and that helps some, but don't you dare think about turning on the oven! And I will be the first to admit...I like a cold house. We used to keep our house at about 72 before, and now it is 82 if the windows are closed. I'm melting....
But the worst part about having to open our windows is hearing everything outside of our house. For instance, the huge C-130 planes that fly right by us. OR when the Tsunami alarm goes off every Wednesday (think about the loudest, most scary sound EVER). OR when 15 of our neighbors decide to finally mow their lawn and BBQ at the same time, along with having a slip n' slide for their kids. When I come home from work, I want to sit down on the couch, watch my shows, and unwind...not listen to Mr. Rodgers and his "gang" hanging out having a brewski before bed.
But to be completely honest, if I had to choose between rain or dealing with a house that is hot as hell...I'll take the hot house. I know it wont last long, and I guess some fresh air wont kill me (now if I could only find some ear plugs...).
Monday, July 12, 2010
Worded Perfectly
I know that the whole purpose of having a separate blog for my trying to conceive efforts is so that I don't overload this one with sappy emotional junk, but I read this earlier tonight and though it was worded perfectly. Pretty much everything I have felt and thought is expressed in this, and thought that some of you would enjoy it. (Keep your fingers crossed... we are about a week from "test" day!)
There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.
I will be better not because of genetics, or money or because I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited.
I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.
I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.
I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.
So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.
I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard.
I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.
~Unknown
I have longed and waited.
I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.
I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.
I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.
So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.
I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard.
I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.
~Unknown
Friday, July 9, 2010
July = Roller Coaster
Let me begin by saying that I am SICK AND TIRED of all this rain! I feel like we are never going to see summer since all it does is rain all day every day. uggghhhh....
Okay, now that that's off my chest, I can begin my actual post.
This month has been a roller coaster of emotion, and we aren't even halfway through! Luckily, for the most part, it is wonderfully happy emotions which I am super excited to elaborate on.
As you all know, I recently started working for the Child Development Center on the Coast Guard base here in Kodiak. I've been there about a month, and I LOVE it. I am so thankful that I have a job that I ENJOY going to everyday. Granted, there are some tough parts to the job (ie- pregnant co-workers and lots and lots of babies/kiddos), but honestly the good out weights the bad. When I first started, I was considered a floater. I mainly filled in for people who were on vacation, and was with the school aged kids for 2 weeks. The past two weeks I have been in the infant room (working with the "mobile" infants) and I have been told that I am pretty much in charge of my room. The infant room is two rooms that are connected, one side for the little guys, and one for the crawlers/walkers. I've been given all kinds of great materials to use and have just been super enthusiastic about having my "own" room and group of kids.
Well... the infant room as a whole is looking for a new "Lead". This is the person who is actually in charge and does all of the behind the scenes work. Basically what I am already doing on my side. There have been a few girls at work talking about how they might apply, but most of them don't want to be in the infant room (I can't figure out why). While I was talking to my Assistant Director the other afternoon, she paused mid thought, looked at me, and said, "Why don't you apply?!? You would be perfect!" I had been considering it, but didn't want to step on any toes since I've only been there a month. It was a huge honor for her to even consider me for that position, so tonight I sat down and put my application in! Fingers Crossed!! This would be a huge accomplishment, not to mention a huge promotion. (My roller coaster is going up, up, up those tracks!)
Secondly, I hate to bring this up on my "non" Trying to Conceive blog, but I figure it's time for an update anyways. The past few months I have been concerned that I am not ovulating on my own. Last month I did a completely "natural" cycle where I didn't use ovulation tests or temp. Of coarse... that cycle ended in a big fat negative. Since my concerns were increasing, I decided that this month I was going full blown. I want to make sure that my body is working the way it is supposed to, and if not, a doctors visit would be scheduled. I started taking ovulation tests on cycle day 12 (negative), 13 (negative, but a second line was visible which is a huge change for me), 14 (POSITIVE), 15 (POSITIVE), and 16 (back to negative). What all that means.... I AM ovulating! Which also means...we have a chance of getting pregnant this month! Since we knew when I was ovulating, we were able to hopefully time everything out just perfect. So now it's a waiting game... I'm trying not to think about it too much, and thankfully I am so busy during the day I stay preoccupied for the most part. (There goes my little roller coaster chugging up, up, up those tracks even more!)
As you can see... this month has brought a lot of great news. Lots of wonderful possibilities, but lots of waiting and wondering. At this point I'm handing it over to God, and letting him show me the perfect path.
But what is a roller coaster without a drop? And this is probably the biggest drop known to man. For a more detailed recap you can go here for the initial post. If you would like to read more, continue through the September posts.
On July 26, 2009 Kevin and I were blessed with an amazing sight... a positive pregnancy test. After 6 long months of trying, we were expecting our first baby, and were absolutely thrilled to be finally starting our family. You all know what happened after that... The pain has dulled, but is still always in the back of my mind.
I can't believe that it has almost been a YEAR since we saw those beautiful two lines staring back at us, telling us that we were finally getting everything we had been wishing for. I never thought that we would get to this point and still be empty handed. (And the roller coaster goes crashing down, down, down!)
BUT, in honor of staying positive- I am saying some big prayers for another positive in July. It would be extremely special and sentimental to get pregnant this month. I am actually planning on testing on July 22nd, which is only 4days before I tested last year.
So come on July... PLEASE bring lots and lots of good news my way!! Please and Thank You!! :)
Okay, now that that's off my chest, I can begin my actual post.
This month has been a roller coaster of emotion, and we aren't even halfway through! Luckily, for the most part, it is wonderfully happy emotions which I am super excited to elaborate on.
As you all know, I recently started working for the Child Development Center on the Coast Guard base here in Kodiak. I've been there about a month, and I LOVE it. I am so thankful that I have a job that I ENJOY going to everyday. Granted, there are some tough parts to the job (ie- pregnant co-workers and lots and lots of babies/kiddos), but honestly the good out weights the bad. When I first started, I was considered a floater. I mainly filled in for people who were on vacation, and was with the school aged kids for 2 weeks. The past two weeks I have been in the infant room (working with the "mobile" infants) and I have been told that I am pretty much in charge of my room. The infant room is two rooms that are connected, one side for the little guys, and one for the crawlers/walkers. I've been given all kinds of great materials to use and have just been super enthusiastic about having my "own" room and group of kids.
Well... the infant room as a whole is looking for a new "Lead". This is the person who is actually in charge and does all of the behind the scenes work. Basically what I am already doing on my side. There have been a few girls at work talking about how they might apply, but most of them don't want to be in the infant room (I can't figure out why). While I was talking to my Assistant Director the other afternoon, she paused mid thought, looked at me, and said, "Why don't you apply?!? You would be perfect!" I had been considering it, but didn't want to step on any toes since I've only been there a month. It was a huge honor for her to even consider me for that position, so tonight I sat down and put my application in! Fingers Crossed!! This would be a huge accomplishment, not to mention a huge promotion. (My roller coaster is going up, up, up those tracks!)
Secondly, I hate to bring this up on my "non" Trying to Conceive blog, but I figure it's time for an update anyways. The past few months I have been concerned that I am not ovulating on my own. Last month I did a completely "natural" cycle where I didn't use ovulation tests or temp. Of coarse... that cycle ended in a big fat negative. Since my concerns were increasing, I decided that this month I was going full blown. I want to make sure that my body is working the way it is supposed to, and if not, a doctors visit would be scheduled. I started taking ovulation tests on cycle day 12 (negative), 13 (negative, but a second line was visible which is a huge change for me), 14 (POSITIVE), 15 (POSITIVE), and 16 (back to negative). What all that means.... I AM ovulating! Which also means...we have a chance of getting pregnant this month! Since we knew when I was ovulating, we were able to hopefully time everything out just perfect. So now it's a waiting game... I'm trying not to think about it too much, and thankfully I am so busy during the day I stay preoccupied for the most part. (There goes my little roller coaster chugging up, up, up those tracks even more!)
As you can see... this month has brought a lot of great news. Lots of wonderful possibilities, but lots of waiting and wondering. At this point I'm handing it over to God, and letting him show me the perfect path.
But what is a roller coaster without a drop? And this is probably the biggest drop known to man. For a more detailed recap you can go here for the initial post. If you would like to read more, continue through the September posts.
On July 26, 2009 Kevin and I were blessed with an amazing sight... a positive pregnancy test. After 6 long months of trying, we were expecting our first baby, and were absolutely thrilled to be finally starting our family. You all know what happened after that... The pain has dulled, but is still always in the back of my mind.
I can't believe that it has almost been a YEAR since we saw those beautiful two lines staring back at us, telling us that we were finally getting everything we had been wishing for. I never thought that we would get to this point and still be empty handed. (And the roller coaster goes crashing down, down, down!)
BUT, in honor of staying positive- I am saying some big prayers for another positive in July. It would be extremely special and sentimental to get pregnant this month. I am actually planning on testing on July 22nd, which is only 4days before I tested last year.
So come on July... PLEASE bring lots and lots of good news my way!! Please and Thank You!! :)
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Neighbor Wars
One of the many joys of being a military family, is getting to live in military housing. For the most part they are pretty decent, but we really got the short end of the stick this go around. Don't get me wrong... since our weekend of redecorating I'm loving our house 100x more, but it isn't the ideal set up for anyone!
Let me give you a quick look at our living arrangements...
We live in what is called a 4-plex. It is a large building which is actually pretty similar to an apartment building. There are 2 houses on the 1st floor, and 2 on the 2nd floor- but all within the same building. There is a deck on each side of the house, which is shared between the upstairs/downstairs units on that particular side. There is a "back" entrance, which is located on the deck. When you walk through this door, you are immediately met by a door to your left (the back door to the downstairs unit) and a flight of stairs that leads to the upstairs unit. It really is a tight squeeze and a pain to get in/out with dogs, groceries, etc. There is also a large front entrance, which is much larger. When you walk through this door, you have both front doors to the downstairs units on either side of you, and then a much larger/wider flight of stairs which leads to the 2 upstairs units.
And let me say...these buildings were built in the 40's so you really do hear everything!
So onto my war stories:
Since we have been here, we haven't really met any of our neighbors within our building. This past week, the neighbor across the hall from us (we will call them the "bullies") called the housing office to complain about our dogs barking while we are at work. The reason they were barking was because we moved their kennel next to the front door, which apparently wasn't a very good idea. The housing office actually called Kevin at work to discuss the matter with him... so needless to say, he was not very happy with our neighbors. It is understood that if there is an issue among neighbors, you are to first try to talk and resolve things between yourselves, and if it is not fixed, then you call the housing office. These people never tried to talk to us, and since we have moved the kennel back into the guest bedroom, there have not been any issues with barking. It was an easy fix, and if they had come and discussed the problem with us, we would have been more than willing to work on the issue.
Well, last weekend we had a new set of neighbors move in above us. They are actually very awesome, and I'm so thankful we got good neighbors! They have 2 medium/large dogs, so it is easier for them to use their front door and use the wider set of stairs to take their dogs out, but their second day here the "bullies" asked them if they could not use their front door after 8 pm because it is too loud when they walk down the stairs... ummm, really?!? Technically, "quite" hours don't begin until 10 pm, but regardless, who in their right mind even thinks it is ok to ask someone to not use their FRONT door!!
Then on top of that, this morning the "bullies" told the new neighbor that she is not allowed to walk her dogs on "their" yard. Pretty sure we don't have designated yards. On both occasions, the has been the "bullies" husband that has confronted the newbies, and it is always the newbies wife. She is so sweet and has come to me to vent on both occasions, and it has made me so mad it makes my skin crawl! She feels like he is trying to intimidate her when he talks to her, and is obviously not going about things in a "neighborly" manor. I have been shocked that they haven't complained to us more after hearing about their nastiness. Oh, and did I mention the "bullies" husband plays drums!! I don't think you have any right to complain about noise when you are banging on a set of drums every afternoon... I'm just saying.
I have a feeling the neighbor wars are beginning to get underway. We have heard many horror stories about neighbors within the 4-plexes, and I guess we are beginning to see the "bullies" true colors now.
Let me give you a quick look at our living arrangements...
We live in what is called a 4-plex. It is a large building which is actually pretty similar to an apartment building. There are 2 houses on the 1st floor, and 2 on the 2nd floor- but all within the same building. There is a deck on each side of the house, which is shared between the upstairs/downstairs units on that particular side. There is a "back" entrance, which is located on the deck. When you walk through this door, you are immediately met by a door to your left (the back door to the downstairs unit) and a flight of stairs that leads to the upstairs unit. It really is a tight squeeze and a pain to get in/out with dogs, groceries, etc. There is also a large front entrance, which is much larger. When you walk through this door, you have both front doors to the downstairs units on either side of you, and then a much larger/wider flight of stairs which leads to the 2 upstairs units.
And let me say...these buildings were built in the 40's so you really do hear everything!
So onto my war stories:
Since we have been here, we haven't really met any of our neighbors within our building. This past week, the neighbor across the hall from us (we will call them the "bullies") called the housing office to complain about our dogs barking while we are at work. The reason they were barking was because we moved their kennel next to the front door, which apparently wasn't a very good idea. The housing office actually called Kevin at work to discuss the matter with him... so needless to say, he was not very happy with our neighbors. It is understood that if there is an issue among neighbors, you are to first try to talk and resolve things between yourselves, and if it is not fixed, then you call the housing office. These people never tried to talk to us, and since we have moved the kennel back into the guest bedroom, there have not been any issues with barking. It was an easy fix, and if they had come and discussed the problem with us, we would have been more than willing to work on the issue.
Well, last weekend we had a new set of neighbors move in above us. They are actually very awesome, and I'm so thankful we got good neighbors! They have 2 medium/large dogs, so it is easier for them to use their front door and use the wider set of stairs to take their dogs out, but their second day here the "bullies" asked them if they could not use their front door after 8 pm because it is too loud when they walk down the stairs... ummm, really?!? Technically, "quite" hours don't begin until 10 pm, but regardless, who in their right mind even thinks it is ok to ask someone to not use their FRONT door!!
Then on top of that, this morning the "bullies" told the new neighbor that she is not allowed to walk her dogs on "their" yard. Pretty sure we don't have designated yards. On both occasions, the has been the "bullies" husband that has confronted the newbies, and it is always the newbies wife. She is so sweet and has come to me to vent on both occasions, and it has made me so mad it makes my skin crawl! She feels like he is trying to intimidate her when he talks to her, and is obviously not going about things in a "neighborly" manor. I have been shocked that they haven't complained to us more after hearing about their nastiness. Oh, and did I mention the "bullies" husband plays drums!! I don't think you have any right to complain about noise when you are banging on a set of drums every afternoon... I'm just saying.
I have a feeling the neighbor wars are beginning to get underway. We have heard many horror stories about neighbors within the 4-plexes, and I guess we are beginning to see the "bullies" true colors now.
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