Realization

Well, life has become a total whirlwind of craziness! I started working at the EXIT again this past week and have been gone for about 5 days. I got back to Huntsville last night around 9:30, and I will be back in CS from Thursday to Monday again! Although I am worn out and feel drained, I love being able to stay so busy. I have had a lot on my mind the past couple of days, all of which has been very hard to shake. First of all, I am finally beginning to realize that Kevin is going to be gone for a lot longer than I was prepared for. I keep thinking about how great it is that he gets to come home December 18th, but that is still 8 weeks away! Although this time around is much easier than when he was in boot camp since we can talk, text, email, and facebook, but it just isn't the same not having your husband with you for months at a time. I keep wondering what has my life turned into? This is not what I had pictured for myself by any means... but I guess God likes to throw us all a curve ball every once in a while. I feel like my life is on hold...I don't know where we will be going next so I can't even begin looking for jobs, and without a husband who is present, you can't really try for a baby either. I know we made the right choice when we decided for Kevin to go to this school, but I have never felt more alone than I do now. I know that I am back "home" and have my family and friends close by, but I feel like I have lost "MY" family...I don't have my husband and we lost our baby, so I feel as if I have no one at this point. It's hard to believe that I had my D&C exactly 4 weeks ago as of today. There for a while I think I just suppressed my emotions on the whole thing, but as time goes on I find myself constantly thinking about it and tearing up. I understand that God has everything under control and it just wasn't our time to have a baby, but this sadness really does get to a point where it is unbearable. This coming weekend is our EXIT reunion which I am extremely excited about, but also very concerned about as well. There will be two girls who are pregnant and are definitely showing at this point. I couldn't be happier for either couple, but at the same time it is just hard to see someone else with what you want more than anything. And I'm not talking about the feeling you get when you see someone with the IPhone... there is nothing materialistic about my biggest "want". I know when the time is right I will get my chance to have a baby, but right now I just feel extremely empty inside...

Wedding Weekend

This past weekend was one of my good friend's wedding. Aimee and Trey both worked at the EXIT with me, and Aimee was an RPTS major as well. Saturday morning we all met at Kelli's house to ride together (Kelli, me, Eli, and Shelley). We got to Marble Falls around 2 in the afternoon and began to "pre-party". Kelli was feeling sick so she stayed in the room (boo!) while Eli, Shelley, and myself enjoyed the River Grill which was next door to our hotel. The wedding was beautiful, and of coarse lots of fun! Kelly and Jeff Kelbly showed up, so it was like a mini EXIT reunion (since we have our REAL one coming up Halloween weekend!) Kelli's mom and Mr. Vallejo always come prepared with their bottle of whiskey and sprites/cokes so we sat outside and enjoyed having our little group all together again. I hadn't had that much fun in a very long time, and there was lots of much needed laughter. I have a feeling my stay in Texas is going to go by much quicker than what I am anticipating. I will begin working at the EXIT again this Thursday, and will work 3 days a week. It's nice to know that I will be able to work while I am here for a few months, and with people who hold such an immense place in my heart. Although it is tough not being with my husband for months at a time, I am so thankful for the friends and family I have.

Little Pieces of Good News

So I have officially been back in Texas for over a week! I can't believe how fast time can fly by. Kevin had his first "real" day of A-School yesterday and for the most part it sounded like it was a good day. The only complaint he had was the fact that they have to stay in uniform from the time they wake up to the time they go to bed (and not their ODU's which are the uniforms he is used to wearing, but his trops which are the "fancy" uniforms). Other than that, he also found out that he will be able to take 2 weeks of leave for Christmas, starting December 18th. I have been dying to know when he would be able to come home so I could start a countdown, so as of today, I only have 58 more days until I get to see him! :)


And another little piece of exciting news... I began my weight loss journey in the middle of May after a visit to my mom's and playing Wii Fit with her and my sister. I never really knew how much weight I had gained over the years until I saw my weight compared to theirs. It was a huge wake up call, and I started really watching what I ate and would try to do about 30 minutes of cardio a few days out of the week. I had done really well, and the week I found out I had finally lost 20 pounds, was also the week I found out I was pregnant. So due to the fact that I knew I would be gaining all my weight back, I stopped worrying so much about keeping with a healthy diet. I didn't gain much, probably about 5-7 pounds before I had the miscarriage. Then with the move and everything else, I just never got back to taking care of ME. Now that I am settled in here and have the opportunity to focus on me and making myself happy, I am kick starting everything again. I did my Wii Fit again today, with the excitement of finding out I have gotten back down to my original weight loss weight, plus some! I have lost a total of 24 pounds!! I know I still have a ways to go, but it feels great to see that I can do this, and I will! My goal is to lose around 2 pounds a week, so by the time Kevin comes home for Christmas I will have lost another 16 pounds. This will put me at the weight I was when I graduated high school (and a total loss of 40 pounds!) I figure that right now is the best time for me to focus on taking care of my body, so that it will be in the best possible shape when we do get the opportunity to start trying for a baby again.

Big Changes

Well, I know it has been a while since my last blog...but we finally moved!! Well, sort of. We left our comfy little townhouse in Fort Meade, Maryland on Friday, October 9, 2009 and made the wonderful drive down to Huntsville, Texas. We drove about 12 hours on Friday, going through Maryland, Virginia, and stopping in Tennessee. We woke up early on Saturday and drove another 13 hours, going through Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, and finally Texas! It felt so good to finally get here and be done with all of that driving, but we had such a busy week ahead of us! On Sunday we went to Lauren's soccer game which was out in Houston somewhere, and got to just spend the day with my family. Monday we spent the day getting all of Kevin's clothes packed properly, making sure he had everything, getting his uniforms dry cleaned, and all of that fun stuff! Tuesday we drove down to San Marcos to cut about 3 hours off of Kevin's drive since he would be going through San Antonio, and that was also our last day together before he would begin his trip to California. It was a fun day but of coarse it went by too fast, and before I knew it, it was Wednesday morning and time for both of us to get on the road. It was so hard saying bye to him, knowing that I wouldn't see him until Christmas. He got to New Mexico on Wednesday, LA on Thursday, and San Fransisco Friday. He reported to Petaluma, CA on Saturday afternoon and today is the first day his classes will begin. I'm not too sure how things work throughout all of this so hopefully today he will be given some information on everything and tonight when he gets to call he can pass it along! So until then, I will be trying to kill time and start figuring out my "method of attack" on weight loss.