Change

I am a person of habit. I need structure and to be honest... I need to be in control. Having a baby pretty much throws all of these things out the window. I have learned that I am no longer in control AT ALL! But that is okay... I have no problem letting Kael take the lead.

Where my problem lays is in change. When he decides to change his routine or schedule. I know babies are meant to throw us through a loop every now and again, but I guess I am spoiled. Kael has always been such a happy and easy baby. For about a week now, he has been waking through the night again, and has been extra cranky. I am assuming he is going through his 3 month go growth spurt, since things are beginning to go back to normal, but let me tell you! I was losing my mind!! Not to mention, he decided to start this nonsense the weekend before I had to go back to work!

And that is the biggest change of all. I was excited about going back to work. It was ideal... working in the infant room, having Kael right there with me all day long. WRONG! My first day back I was told that a parent had already expressed concern about me being in the same room as my child. Because of that, I feel like I can't pick him up, hold him, talk to him, etc. because my every move is being watched. I feel like I am ignoring him and it is killing me! I have come home every day and just held him and cried because I feel like such a horrible mother. I keep thinking it will get easier, but each day it seems to get harder. I feel like I am missing out. I know he wont stay this little for very long, and I just want to cherish every moment of it. By the time we get home from work, I only have 3 hours with him before he is out for the night, and an hour of that is his evening nap (he is still napping every 2-3 hours!).

His night time routine is pure bliss for me. I love giving him his bath and snuggling up and feeding him. I miss getting to breastfeed him. I hate pumping. I feel like every free moment I have, I am pumping to keep up my supply and so that he can have it in a bottle. But it just isn't the same... I love breastfeeding him. That is such a special time between the two of us, and now I am only getting to feed him 2-3 times a day, and it breaks my heart.

I knew being a mom wouldn't be easy... but I didn't know it would be because I love him too much!

2 Months!

Kael ceases to amaze me each and every day. He has grown and changed so much, and has already developed his own little personality. Two months sounds like such a short amount of time, but the changes, development, and bonds that have been formed make it feel as though Kael has been a part of our life for much longer.

Since I have family in town, Kevin getting ready for work, and a baby who is wide awake, I'm going to just cut to the chase.

Kael had his 2 month appointment on June 10th. He weighed in at a whopping 13lbs 10ozs and 24.5 inches long! He is in the 75th percentile for weight and 95th percentile for height! I can't believe what a "tall" baby we have, considering neither Kevin or myself are very tall. He is right on track with his development, and personally I feel like he is slightly advanced (although that is coming from a very proud mother). He got his immunizations at this appointment, which included 3 shots and 1 oral vaccine. It broke me heart to watch his face go from content and clueless to full of pain. His cry and scream made my heart sink into my stomach and all I wanted to do was make everything better.

Now... all about Kael at 2 months:
1.) He is sleeping through the night...every night! Typically he eats at 8pm, is asleep by 8:30pm and wakes up around 6am. This makes for one happy mamma! :)
2.) He has mastered the art of sucking his thumb (and prefers his left one)
3.) He recognizes my voice and will look around the room until he finds me. Once he spots me, he gives me the biggest gummy grin that melts my heart every time!
4.) He is holding his head/neck up during tummy time and is able to push up with his arms to get his chest off the ground as well.
5.) He loves his bumbo chair! He is very content sitting in it and just looking around the room. It is shocking how alert he has become.
6.) He is now grabbing toys that are hanging in front of him, and holding onto them
7.) We are up to size 2 diapers
8.) In Carter's brand clothes, he is wearing 6 months. He can also fit into Circo (Target brand) 9 month onesies!
9.) He is beginning to push with his legs, and I have a feeling we will be pulling out the jump-a-roo/exersaucer in about 2 weeks.
10.) He will start going to work with me on Monday, June 20th! I still can't believe its already time to re-enter the "real" world!