Birth Story- Part 2

The time went on and on. I was pushing for what felt like forever! All I wanted was to meet my son. I didn’t understand what was taking so long. I could feel every contraction, I knew exactly when to push, and I pushed long and hard. I will admit, the longer it took, the harder I pushed. I was exhausted, worn out, and was in extreme pain, but I wanted it to be over as quickly as possible. I couldn’t see anything, and my eyes were rolling to the back of my head. I remember screaming… A LOT. I never thought I would be one of those women. You know, the ones you see on TV or in the movies who are screaming at the top of their lungs, but guess what… I was. I couldn’t control myself. To be honest I don’t remember much of the pushing part of labor other than feeling frantic. All I wanted was for it to be over. At one point I remember screaming at the doctor, “I can feel EVERYTHING!” I started having cramps in my right hip which caused my entire body to start shaking. I had a blood pressure cuff on the entire time, which would tighten every 3 minutes. I remember screaming at the nurse to take it off of me because it would get so tight.

This continued for hours… 2 ½ hours to be exact. I pushed harder and harder with each contraction, just hoping that he would come with that push. Finally the doctor decided to try the vacuum. It didn’t work. She then had the nurse bring in a different vacuum which was connected to a compressor and had more power. Still didn’t work. After a few more pushes, I felt her cut me. The first thing I thought was, “That wasn’t in my birth plan!” I did not want an episiotomy, but it had already been done. I knew things were not going well at that point. Although my doctor was very calm, it seemed like everything she tried to do to help me failed. More and more nurses came into the room. He was so close, yet so far. They could see his head, but it felt like they had been saying that the entire time. To be honest, the way Kevin described it was he looked like a “prairie dog”. The top of his head would come out as I pushed, but as soon as I stopped to take a breath, it would go back in.

At this point I became scared. I remember asking the doctor, “What if I can’t push him out”. I was done… all I wanted was for this to be over. With every push I would pray “Please Lord, give me the strength”. I became determined. I pushed harder than I ever had. With those pushes I could tell something was happening. I could hear the nurses moving things around, but I still couldn’t see (due to the pain). There was a lot of commotion, and Kevin was squeezing my hand and seemed very excited. The top of his head was finally out (and stayed out). They grabbed my hand and placed it on his head. I could feel his hair, and knew that everything would soon be over. I pushed maybe one or two more times and I felt relief! His head was all the way out. They coached me when to push again, and with a big gush, he was out! After trying to become pregnant for 18 months, a miscarriage, waiting a long 9 months to meet my baby and 31 hours of labor, he was born at 3:50 pm on April 3^rd, 2011!

They placed him on my chest, but the only thing I could concentrate on were the words coming out of the doctor’s mouth… “We’ve got meconium”. As Kael laid on my chest and I tried to regain eyesight to see my baby, there was a lot going on at once. There was a nurse on either side of my bed. One was rubbing him down, trying to get all of the poop and other junk off of him. The other was shoving tubes down his throat. All of a sudden I see the doctor cut the cord, and the nurses whisk him off of my chest, and onto the little work station that was in my room (there is not a nursery at this hospital, so everything was done in my room). Once again all I could think was, “Kevin was supposed to cut the cord!” My birth plan was a bust… nothing went the way it was “supposed” to. At this point I could hear the doctor ordering stuff to stitch me up. My legs were still up on the squatting bar and were still shaking uncontrollably. I could still feel everything, and at that point I felt something sort of slide out- I had delivered the placenta. At that point a nurse nearly jumped on top of me and began rubbing my stomach. I could feel fluid and blood gushing out. It hurt when she pushed down on me. I was tired and sore and wanted to yell at her to get off of me! All I wanted was to hold my baby. He was supposed to get skin-to-skin time immediately. He was supposed to breast feed before he was taken from me. Everything had gone wrong and I was upset and frustrated. Why had things gone the way they did? Would it have been better if I had gotten the epidural from the beginning, or if I had been able to hold it together longer and continue with the natural birth. I was upset with myself…with my body. Why had it been so difficult and long? But I just kept looking over at my baby and couldn’t help but smile. He was worth every long contraction, every push, every ounce of pain.

The doctor began to stitch me up, and I asked her how bad it was. When her response was, “ehhh…” I knew it was bad. I had a fourth degree tear, meaning I ripped hole to hole and all through the muscle as well. I could feel her stitching me up, but the pain of a needle poking my privates felt like nothing compared to what I had just been through. My focus was on Kael. I needed them to bring him back to me. As I watched, they continued to try to get him to cry. His arms and legs were blue, and his left ear was folded in half. I wanted to know he was okay, but more than anything I wanted him in my arms! Finally, they brought him over. I was overwhelmed with emotion. This tiny person who had just been inside of me, was now laying on top of me, our skin touching, building a bond between mother and son. I looked up at Kevin, and all I could do was thank God for giving me everything that I had ever wanted.

Birth Story- Part 1

The weekend Kael was born seemed just like any other weekend I had experienced throughout my entire pregnancy. I was past due, and of course was extremely ready to meet my baby boy, but didn’t feel any different. Kevin was off all weekend, and Friday April 1^st was the first night that I noticed something had changed. I was tired a lot during the pregnancy, but for some reason that night I was just exhausted. Kevin and I were laying on the couch watching movies, and I fell asleep around 7:30 pm. I crawled into bed soon after. If only I had known that would be the last night I would ever sleep so soundly.

I woke up Saturday April 2^nd around 7:30 am. Kevin and I made a nice breakfast, but I just wasn’t feeling “right”. As soon as we finished eating, around 9 am, I told Kevin I wanted to crawl back into bed. I was having really bad lower back pain and some cramping, and the only comfortable position I could find was laying in bed curled into a ball. As the time progressed, the cramps became more intense. At this point I was getting pretty uncomfortable and started to think that this could possibly be the beginning of labor. Kevin and I Googled what cramps/back pain could mean, but nothing was very helpful. I dozed in and out of sleep, while Kevin kept me company by playing games on the iPad. Eventually we both became hungry again, and decided to go fix lunch. Once we finished eating, we decided to watch Letters to Juliet. Throughout the movie, the cramping became more intense and that was when I realized I had been having REAL contractions all morning, and that this could be it! We started timing them, and they were about 7 minutes apart. By the end of the movie, they were more intense and coming every 4 minutes.

Since we were planning on a natural birth, we didn’t rush to the hospital. The contractions were definitely uncomfortable, but were manageable. I kept thinking, “this isn’t as bad as I thought it would be”. Around 2 pm we decided that we would do some cleaning, take showers, and then head to the hospital just to see where I was at. We didn’t rush, and both of us were actually pretty calm. We left the house spotless, and ready to welcome a new baby (something that I had been obsessing about for months). I was able to take a relaxing shower, and was actually shocked at how insignificant certain things became. I always thought that I would make sure that my legs were shaved, and my hair and makeup looked nice (knowing that there would be pictures takes). Instead, I enjoyed the relaxation, and soaked in the thought of getting to finally meet my son. It wasn’t about me anymore.

We left the house around 3:30-4pm. We drove into town, and actually stopped to eat at Subway. I knew I wouldn’t be able to eat if I was admitted, and I wanted to make sure I ate dinner before I had to endure the marathon of labor. I had to breathe through the contractions, but they still were manageable, and I felt more excited and anxious than anything. Once we finished eating, we headed to the hospital, and a huge wave of emotion came over me- this was it! I knew as a first timer, my labor would be long, and I was expecting to meet my son in about 12-14 hours. We arrived at the hospital at 5 pm.

Once we were admitted, I was taken to triage. I was hooked up to the monitors, where the nurse was able to see that I was having obvious contractions every 4 minutes. She monitored me and Kael for about 20 minutes, then finally did an internal exam. At my previous doctor’s visit (March 29^th) I was 1 cm and 20% effaced- I was now 3 cm and 75% effaced. The nurse let us know that they would want us to stay, and she began to get our room ready. She looked over our birth plan and followed it exactly. She took me off the monitors, and asked if I wanted to go walk the halls, and we did. We walked up and down, up and down, up and down. The hospital in Kodiak is very small (only 4 birthing rooms!), so we walked up and down the same two hallways over and over again. We finally decided to take a little break, and went into our room. We sat and played a game of Skip-Bo, which I won! I was thankful it ended when it did since the contractions were starting to pick up a little more at that point.

Time began to blur. As the night progressed, so did the contractions. I was determined to have a natural birth, so I used hot showers and the birthing ball to help reduce as much pain as possible. Kevin slept on and off most of the night, which was frustrating for me. I needed his help…his support. I was wishing more than ever we would have invested in a doula. Until roughly 3 am, I held it together. At this point, I was tired. The contractions were coming fast and strong. I would have 3 back to back, and then a 3 minute break. Breathing through them helped, but I was already exhausted. I finally asked the nurse for something. I was given an IV with a low dose of pain medication to help take the edge off of the pain… it didn’t work. I tried sleeping, but every contraction continued to wake me up. At this point I was really beginning to lose it. I was tired, and kept thinking that this was the easy part… I still had to push! The nurse came in again around 5 am and I asked her to check my progress. I was at 6 cm, which meant I was only progressing 1 cm every FOUR hours! That was when I caved. After 21 hours of labor, 12 of which were in the hospital, I couldn’t take it anymore, and I got my epidural at 6 am. It was a battle in my head- I felt like a failure since I wasn’t able to pull it together for the natural birth I wanted, but at the same time the pain was unbelievable.

Things changed so quickly once I received my epidural. The epidural provided instant relief, but I never went completely numb. I was able to move my toes and feel my legs (although they felt heavy) the entire time. Soon after receiving the epidural, the doctor came in and broke my water. They also started me on pitocin to help speed things along. The pitocin only lasted about 5 minutes, because Kael’s heart rate dropped almost immediately. Once things calmed down, I was finally able to sleep for about 3 hours, and felt so refreshed. Kevin and I were able to actually carry on a conversation again. By noon I was fully dilated. Kael was still high up, so they wanted me to “labor down”, meaning just kind of sit around and let the contractions do the work of bringing him down. After an hour, they checked again, and he was still high, so they kept telling me to just wait. At this point, the epidural had worn off. I could once again feel the contractions, and the heaviness I had felt in my legs was gone. The pain was unbearable. I wanted to cry, but tears wouldn’t come out. By 1:30 pm I couldn’t wait anymore… I HAD to start pushing. The pain was bad…really bad! The nurse helped me try out different positions to help relieve some of the pressure, and help bring down Kael. The only position that didn’t make me want to scream was using the squatting bar. After pulling myself up into a squatting position for 45 minutes my arms felt like they were going to give out. They had me start putting my feet up on the squatting bar, and that seemed to work just as well.

Introducing Kael Liam O'Connor

What a big surprise... I haven't updated my blog in forever!! I swear I am working on Kael's birth story (keep an eye out, it will be GOOD!), but between having a newborn, lack of sleep, and family visiting, it has been tough to find any time for myself. But let me tell you... staring at that sweet baby boy of mine washes away all of the fatigue and frustration I might be feeling. Nobody can ever prepare you for the love that you feel for your own child. The first few days we had him home I would burst into tears just because I felt such a strong love for him. I felt anxious if he wasn't in the same room as me (lets be real... if he wasn't in my arms!!). He is an amazing baby, and I could not be more blessed. I find myself thanking God all day everyday.

Well, I can't steal away too much time from my family (who has to leave tomorrow and I am NOT ready for that!). I just wanted to post the birth announcements that we will be sending out. Kael was 8 days old in those pictures, and he already looks so different! I don't do well with change, and the fact that he is growing and changing everyday breaks my heart! I know that he wont stay this little for very long, and I just want to freeze time.

Hope you enjoy, and I SWEAR I will post the birth story sometime this weekend!

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