Home Sick

Six Weeks... That is how long Kevin and I have been in Kodiak, Alaska so far. Some days it feels like we just stepped off that ferry and everything is still new and exciting. Other days it feels like we have been here long enough, and it is time to pack up and move back home.

Don't get me wrong. Most days I thoroughly enjoy living here. The people are outstanding, and have made us feel right at home. Kevin seems to love where he is working, and the people he works with. He is already going through the paperwork and study materials to become a supervisor, and has started on his packet to become an OS-2. His opportunity for advancement here seems great, and he is very willing. There are roughly 4 jobs at this point in time which have caught my eye, and I will be putting in applications this week.

The day-to-day life here in Kodiak isn't bad. It isn't Kodiak that makes me homesick. We could be living in Orlando, Florida and I would still feel this way. It's a feeling of abnormalcy. A feeling of wanting to be able to live your life a certain way, but it not being an option. When Kevin signed with the Coast Guard, we knew we were kissing certain things goodbye. We knew we would be moving all over, and on an average day we are both amazed and thankful for the adventures we have been able to experience because of the Coast Guard. But everyone has an "off" day, and those days are the days where I wish more than anything that we lived back in Texas close to our families.

When I was little and would think about what my life would like when I was married and grown up, all I wanted was for my children to grow up around their family. You see, my sister and I lived 30 minutes away from my dad's side of the family, yet we only saw them maybe 3 times a year (Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas). My mom's side has always been spread all over the place, and we are lucky if we can get everyone together once a year. Now that I'm married, I look to Kevin's family as well. They all live in the same city (30 minutes from my Dad's side of the family) and have each other right around the corner if they were to ever need anything. I love going to visit and seeing everyone together.

I have always envisioned what it would be like when Kevin and I have our first baby. Before, I used to think about a waiting room so packed solid that some people would be forced to stand since all of the chairs would be taken. I saw a solid stream of visitors coming in one after another to check on Kevin and I, and to meet the newest edition to our family. I saw us driving up to our home, which would have a big stork in the front yard and lots of decorations that everyone put together for us. But the reality of things now is that Kevin and I will be alone. We will bring a baby into this world without a single family member in the waiting room. We will be lucky to have any visitors, and if there is a stork in the yard when we pull up, it will be because Kevin stuck it there on one of his trips to let the dogs out during our hospital stay.

This past week my baby sister got her braces off, went to prom, and got the camera of her dreams. I wasn't there to celebrate any of that with her.

My In-Laws will be renewing their vows after 32 years of marriage in August- with Kevin's 90 year old Grandfather as their officiant. We won't be there to celebrate that with them.

Proposals, weddings, graduations, class reunions, birthdays, funerals, and holidays... we won't be there to experience any of them without being forced to pick and choose which is the most "important" and when we can afford to go.

This is the life that I must now envision, grasp, and hold onto. Like I said before...on an average day these sorts of things don't affect me like this. I love my husband and the life that we are making together. I know there is a reason we are where we are, and that God has great things planned for us. (If only God could maybe make it a little easier to visit home- Please and Thank You!!)