Life Must Go On

What I am learning more and more is that you can't expect most people to have any sort of "real" pity or understanding of what it is that you may be going through. There are the select few family members and truly great friends who will actually keep you in their thoughts and prayers, but for the most part people say they are sorry for what it is that you are going through, but are still more consumed with what is going on in their own lives. Not that I expect every person I know to drop everything they are doing to worry about how I am doing (especially since the last thing I want is pity), but it would be nice for people to be a little more caring while dealing with this situation. This is probably one of the hardest things I will go through considering how badly I want to start a family. Unless you have had a miscarriage, there is no way to feel the pain that Kevin and I have gone through. Yes, I have tried to move on and to be strong and it gets a little easier each day, but it still hits hard when it does.

I haven't cried since I had this surgery. I don't know if its because it hasn't really hit me yet, or if it's because I have already had time to mourn over the loss of this baby. I honestly think it is a mix of the two. I know I do feel numb to what is going on, but at the same time I have had 3 weeks to prepare myself for this loss. I knew going into this surgery that I had already lost my baby, and this was more of a way for me to get back to "normal". I know that in reality, Kevin and I wont be able to try again until he gets back from A-School ( in March), so this will be a tough couple of months. I can't imagine what it will be like when April rolls around and we still don't have a baby. I just keep praying that God will give us our baby when it is the perfect time. In the mean time we will be working to prepare ourselves not only financially, but spiritually as well since we know we want to raise our family in a strong christian home. I will also be working to continue my weight loss journey, and hope to get to my ideal, healthy weight before having to carry a baby.

On top of all of this, we have been extremely busy packing and getting ready for our move. We will be trying to load as much as possible into our storage unit this coming Sunday, so we have about 3 days left to try and get everything into boxes. I'm very OCD when it comes to stuff like this, so my packing is very precise and organized, and a little more time consuming (but it pays off in the end!). I am also looking forward to having everything packed so that I can then focus on getting the house clean, and finally having the time to read "Breaking Dawn", which is the last book in the Twilight series.

One of my favorite lines from a song is this... "Life ain't always beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride". I am having to take each day as it comes, some are easy and some are hard, but they are each a new day. Life must go on, and I wont let this get the best of me. I have been blessed with an amazing support system and I can't wait to get back to Texas to be with all of them.