So Much to be Thankful For...

Wow! Thanksgiving came and went in a blink of an eye! We had a great day, hosting Thanksgiving at our house, celebrating Kael's first turkey day, plotting our black friday routes, and enjoying a 4 day weekend. Sadly, I must admit... I felt as if I didn't get to fully enjoy the day as much as I was hoping for. I was cooking or cleaning from sun up to sun down (well, even longer since we only getting about 6 hours of sunlight right now). Thankfully, we have definitely set some new traditions, including a few recipes that were to die for! I also learned my lesson, and now know better for Christmas.

So since the hustle and bustle of Thanksgiving has passed, I am finally finding the time to sit and write. I have so much to be thankful for this year, it is overwhelming. More than ever, I am taking a step back and looking at the little things. The things that I take for granted everyday, and the things that I complain about the most. In this holiday season I am always reminded of those who are less fortunate, and it always helps to keep me grounded.

So here we go, my "list" of all the wonderful things in my life!

• First of all, I am thankful for living in Kodiak. Although it has been a huge adjustment and I feel like I hate it at times, it is where Kevin and I have been the most successful- financially, fertility wise, my employment, and Kevin's advancements. This place has been good for us, and even though we can't wait to be close to family again, this has brought 'our' family closer than ever.
• I am thankful for our health. Something so simple, yet so life altering.
• I am thankful for our beautiful baby boy. And more importantly- his health as well.
• I am thankful for our tiny 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom apartment. It may not be ideal, but we have a roof over our head, beds to sleeps on, and food at our table.
• I am thankful for our 2005 Pacifica that we bought used and are still making payments on. It may not be fancy or new, but we have a reliable family car that gets us to where we need to go.
• I am thankful for our jobs. There might me times where we wish we made more, but in times like these, we are lucky to have a job at all.
• I am thankful for our student loan payments. As much as they suck us dry every month, they are a constant reminder that we have our education- and that is something that can never be taken away.
• I'm thankful for technology. Even though we live thousands of miles away, technology makes it possible to see our family face to face during the holidays (and every other day as well!)
• I'm thankful for amazing friends, far and near. The kind that you can not talk to for weeks or months, but once you are able to finally catch up, you don't even miss a beat!
• And of coarse, I am thankful for my wonderful husband and perfect son. I can't imagine life without them!

I hope everyone is enjoying this holiday season, had a great Thanksgiving, and have a very Merry Christmas!

7 Months (only 2 weeks late...)

Wow... I have been working on this post for TWO weeks now. It has been sitting in my edit folder for days, and every time I sit down to finish, I find something else that seems to need my attention right away. But here you go (finally!)

It is getting harder and harder to get a good picture of him...He just wont sit still!

Where is the time going? It sounds so weird to say that Kael is 7 months old. It just doesn't seem real... how is it possible? It feels like just yesterday I was feeling him move in my belly, and now I am chasing him around the house!

This past month has honestly been the most fun we have had so far. He is getting to that age where he is just FUN. He has such a big personality, and I love getting to see him shine through. We did a lot to take in and enjoy Fall (since November typically brings snow in Alaska), and to prepare for his first Halloween.

This past month has been a HUGE one developmentally, but more than anything, he is recognizing the people around him. We dealt with a little bout of stranger anxiety and are still dealing with separation anxiety (he wants mom ALL.THE.TIME.) He is very aware of the people around him, and it takes him a while to warm up to new ones. He loves his teachers and greets them every morning with a huge smile. They really are like extended family, and I'm so thankful for those girls (they are some of the best friends I have here). He is close with them, and loves sitting in their laps to read books or to just get a little extra attention. He knows who his mommy and daddy are, and gets VERY excited to see either of us. The best feeling in the entire world is walking into the house after leaving him with Kevin, and him crawling up to me as fast as he can, laughing the entire way. He is genuinely excited to see us when we have been gone, and gives the best hugs and kisses once he is picked up.

A few random tidbits on eating:

*He is still breastfeeding, and I'm pretty sure we will stick it out the entire first year. There are days I want to throw in the towel because it dictates my schedule so much, and I keep thinking about our vacation in January, but I know those are selfish reasons, and could never give it up for that.

*He has ZERO teeth

*He is eating like a champ. He has tried chicken and turkey purees (mixed with veggies), and really likes it. He is also feeding himself. We started with mum-mums, which to this day are his favorite. He also feeds himself puffs and yogurt drops, and really enjoys those as well!

He has mastered crawling, and is ALL OVER the place now! I thought we had the house baby proofed, but boy was I wrong! I have had to say so long to my candles, a good amount of picture frames, and all my nice knick knacks around the house. We have tried to hide every cord imaginable and besides vacuuming every night, I am having to stay on top of sweeping/mopping and now dusting (since his little hands and mouth are on every piece of furniture we own). And as if the crawling didn't keep us busy enough, he has now masted pulling up to stand AND getting down. He seems to enjoy teething on our entertainment center and end tables as well...

Kael had his first school picture day this month as well. Kevin had been in Anchorage for a training, and was able to stop by a mall and pick up a few things for Kael. I actually gave him the freedom to pick out Kael's picture day outfit! :) The picture came out pretty funny (he was pretty confused by the whole process, did a little crying, and would not smile) so we did a mini photo shoot at home (it wasn't much better).

He had his first trip to the park in our beautiful Alaska fall weather.

And we enjoyed lots more time outside while the weather was still nice. We also had lots of fun with pumpkins!

We enjoyed his first Halloween this month as well. First, he participated in a costume parade at school, where he got to show off his lobster costume (thank you Nana and Popdaddy). After school, we stopped by the gym to check out the CDC party which included a bounce house and some other fun stuff that was just a little too big for him. We went home and changed into our warm Superman costume, and walked around the neighborhood with two other families for trick or treating. He didn't last too long, he was ready for bed and it was pretty chilly, but overall it was a great experience. Sadly, Kevin had to work that day so he missed out on it all. The joys of being a military family...

We also had his 6 month photo shoot the day he turned 7 months. We had some scheduling issues, thanks to Kevin's schedule (surprise surprise!) but regardless, I am so excited to see them. I have only seen one picture so far, but I know they are going to be amazing. I'm hoping to get them all right before Thanksgiving. He was such a handful, considering he doesn't sit in one spot for longer than about 2 seconds, but Amy Earle with Simply B Photos never fails to amaze me with her talent and patience!

Look at that cute naked body!! :)

Forgot What That Felt Like...

Today Kael is 7 months old. I should be working on his update, but I really just don't have the energy to upload a bunch of pictures and sound sentimental and excited about him growing up. The truth is, I wish he would stop growing so fast. It makes me sad. I feel like I never fully got to enjoy the "baby" stages because he blew right through them. But most of all, I am TIRED. This boy does not sleep anymore and it is killing me. I have to struggle to stay away when I'm at work, and I cringe the close it gets to bedtime because I know that no matter how hard I pray, I will still be getting up every 2 hours.

But the real reason I am writing this post is because I experienced a feeling- an emotion if you will, that I haven't felt in a REALLY long time.

WARNING: this is a little TMI

After trying to have a baby for so long, it has really been pretty weird to try and prevent from having another one. I'm not on birth control because I have never been, and just don't want to open up that can of hormonal worms. We have really been careful, but there was one night where we slipped. We let our "emotions" get the best of ourselves and didn't use our best judgement. Of coarse, we immediately regretted it, and I have since then been convinced that I would somehow, by some sort of ironic miracle, get pregnant.

For the past two weeks I have been calculating in my head how old Kael would be, how we would make it work in our 2 bedroom house, what we would name it if it was another boy, etc. I really would feel pretty sick thinking about having another one so close in age. I know I want more kids, but I feel like if I were to get pregnant now, I would be taking away so much from Kael and in a way, forcing him to grow up. I want to cherish this time with him, and I would like to be able to sleep through the night for a while before giving those up again.

Well, today my period decided to arrive. Right on track. And my first thought was, THANK GOD! And then I thought... WOAH! I can't remember the last time I felt that way. I remember constantly thinking "Damn You!" whenever I got my period, and now I am rejoicing. It is so bittersweet. It makes me wonder if it will take us as long to get pregnant the second time, or if my first pregnancy has somehow "fixed" whatever problem we faced before.

Any who... I will get to Kael's update, more than likely this weekend. We had his 6 month (even though he is technically 7 months) photo shoot tonight, and I am so excited to see how the pictures turned out! I got to see a few right on her camera and was breathless.

Chronicles of a Sleep Deprived Mom (Overview)

I realize I never finished my "series" on our attempts at getting Kael to sleep through the night by letting him cry it out (CIO). The funny thing is, once I am not so sleep deprived, I find myself much more willing to get things done around the house, leaving me with less time to fart around on the computer (which ends up in blogging).

But here we are again...

For a brief summary, the CIO method seemed to work pretty well for us. By the third night, he was sleeping straight through from 7pm-5am, wake to nurse, and go back to sleep until 7am. And I was perfectly okay with that. I figured 10 hours, being breastfed, was a good run for my money.

And then Kael learned to pull himself up to stand ::sigh::

And we are right back to square one. No sleep. And now I have no clue how to let him CIO when he is standing in his crib. He doesn't know how to get down, and seems to panic when he realizes this. His cries have turned into screams which are just heart wrenching. I am seriously at a loss at this point.

I feel like I am waving the white flag and admitting my defeat. I feel like I am going to just have to suck it up and deal with this until he turns one and is off bottles. And this thought makes me want to break down and cry! I am exhausted. Physically and mentally. I know I am not functioning at full capacity, but there is nothing I can do about it. I have lost all focus on my weight loss and running. I can feel myself slipping, and I hate it.

Any suggestions out there would be greatly appreciated! I don't know what to do anymore...

Chronicles of a Sleep Deprived Mom (Night 3)

Night 3-Sunday:

Well, I was really hoping Night 3 would be our magical night that would consist of no wakings at all, but no such luck. Don't get me wrong... it was still MUCH better than the hell we had been experiencing before, but I am learning that this little guy is pretty hard headed.

He went down at his normal time (7pm), and made it until 3:30. When I heard him through the monitor and saw what time it was, I figured he had made more progress and we were still headed in the right track. But the crying continued... and continued.... and continued. He would start of strong and loud, get softer, and eventually fade into silence. Right would I would think he was asleep, it would start over again. I knew he was tired, but he was seriously fighting it. I went in and patted after 5, 10, 15 minutes. He was still going strong, and he seemed to grow more upset each time I went in- so I stopped. I sat in bed and listened to the monitor. Eventually after an hour passed I caved. I went in and fed him around 4:30. He was asleep when I laid him back down and he slept until 6:30.

It was definitely much tougher than the night before, but I'm hoping with the longer he stretches his sleep out, he will eventually get to a total of 9-10 hours with no wakings at all. I can work with that for a while until we can eventually work up to dropping that early morning feeding.

His naps have somewhat reverted to their old selves.

Sunday he had 2 naps that were each an hour long. Still an improvement, but his second nap was pretty early, so he was a grump around 5pm.

Monday naps were not so good (after our tough night). He took 3 naps. His first was 30 minutes, his second an hour and 15 minutes, and his third 20 minutes.

We are still working on the whole napping thing, and I am really nervous to see how it goes tomorrow at day care (he has a really though time napping with loud noises around him).

Chronicles of a Sleep Deprived Mom (Night 2)

I was a little nervous coming into night two. I don't know why... maybe because the first night wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I think deep down inside I thought his shots were what helped him sleep better (or at least fall back to sleep rather quickly).

So we followed our same schedule. I considered letting him take a 30 minute cat nap from around 5:30 to try and stretch him out so he wouldn't go to bed until 8, but he was fighting it, and I thought, don't mess with something that is working.

So here is how night two went...

Night Two- Saturday:

• Nursed Kael at 7 pm, and he fell asleep. I put him in his crib, and he stayed asleep.
• He woke once when Winston barked around 8:15, whinned a little, and went right back to sleep
• Slept until 1:30, I heard him whinning and tossing a little through the monitor and then he was back to sleep. I didn't even get out of bed to check on him (bad mom!)
• At 4:30 he started whinning, and then it stopped. A few minutes later he began to cry. Then it stopped. I went to check on him and I could see his arms and legs up in the air, so I went back to my room to listen to the monitor. He had little bursts of crying for about 30 minutes. The crying was only a few seconds, and then would stop.
• At 5, I finally caved and decided I would feed him again. At this point he was crying hard, and it was a cry I had never heard before. When I went to pick him up, I realized it must have been his "I'm uncomfortable" cry because he was soaking wet! From his shoulder to his foot, he was drenched in pee (how that happened... I have NO clue!) His blanket and sheet were wet as well.
• I changed him (not saying a word and keeping the lights off) and then nursed him. Since his sheets needed to be changed, I went ahead and took him into my room and laid him in the pack n play. He was still awake, and without any crying, eventually went back to sleep (not sure when since he didn't make a single noise).
• I woke to him "talking" to himself this morning at 7:30. He was in a great mood and gave me his famous smile as soon as he saw me peek over the side of the pack n play. I pulled him into bed with me and we cuddled until dad got home, and then all 3 of us snuggled until 8.

I know I am probably setting myself up for disaster by feeding him at 5 both mornings, but I figured we would work at that when the time comes. I would rather work on getting rid of the frequent night wakings and feedings (he was getting fed 2-3 time a night). Once he is sleeping entirely through the night, then we will work on weening him off of the 5 am feeding.

It seemed like there was a big improvement from the first and second night, so I am anxious to see how tonight goes. I am hoping he will drop all night wakings, with the exception of around 4:30-5 (I'm anticipating that one to stick around).

We will see how naps go today as well. I'll keep you posted!

The Chronicles of a Sleep Deprived Mom (Background and Night 1)

Ok sorry... I had to start off with a super cute picture. I wasn't able to upload any on my 6 month update, so here it is! Plus, even with all the frustration and misery I have been feeling lately, when I see that little face in the morning, it reminds me that I would do anything for that little guy!

So in my last post I sort of touched base on the sleep issues we have been facing. It really seemed to come out of nowhere. Well, I take that back. Once he figured out how to roll over in his sleep, the sleep seemed to stop. I immediately thought he must have had an ear infection, but we took him in, and his ears looked fine. I tried to blame it on teething, but teeth still have not appeared, and it has been well over a month. So here we are... totally sleepless. Which isn't a good look on any of us. It results in a cranky baby, a pissy mommy, and a lot of arguing between mommy and daddy.

I thought I couldn't handle the whole cry it out (CIO) method, so I bought a book that was a much gentler approach and really emphasized loving on your baby, rocking them, nursing, etc. I thought it would be perfect. But basically they said let the baby run the show... I was already doing everything they said to do, and was waking at minimum every 2 hours at night. I ditched that book REAL fast!

I downloaded a sample of Ferber's book on iBooks, and read the first 2 chapters. I decided it would be worth a shot, and was planning on buying it Friday. We had Kael's 6 month well check appointment that afternoon, and after talking to the doctor, I decided to not even buy the book. I would use what I could find online, and the doctor's recommendation (use earplugs and let him cry).

So my plan was this:

1. I would still nurse him at bedtime. If he fell asleep, okay. If not, I would lay him down in his crib once he finished and was drowsy.
2. I wasn't going to just let him cry and not go in and check on him. This is where Ferber stepped in and I used his gradual approach. I would let him cry for 3 minutes, then go and check on him. Then wait 5 minutes before checking on him again, and then 10 minutes. Never taking him out of the crib, or talking to him. Just patting his back and telling him "shhhh".
3. I also wasn't sure how long he could go without nursing. In the past, 9 hours was the longest he had gone without eating. I also knew that I was throwing in weening with the CIO, so I was expecting the absolute worst. I told myself that I would give him 10 hours and then I would feed him since that was an improvement from his previous 9 hours.
4. I wanted to stick with our normal bedtime routine as much as possible. It is typically like this: dinner at 6, bath at 6:30, read a book or two, and then nurse around 6:45 and he is asleep by 7

So here we go...

Night One-Friday:

• We followed our typical bedtime routine. Kael nursed and was asleep by 7 pm. When I went to lay him in his crib, he woke up. I kissed him, told him I loved him and good night, and left him.
• He rolled around and played for 20 minutes. At 7:21 he began to cry. I waited 3 minutes, went and patted his back, and left. Went back in after 5 minutes, and again after 10. Right around the 20 minute mark, he fell asleep.
• He slept for a solid 4 hours, and then woke at 12, 2:30, 3:30, 4:30, and 5:30
• Thankfully each waking consisted of 3-4 minutes of crying and then he was right back to sleep
• When he woke at 5:30, I decided to go ahead and feed him. He was still slightly awake when I laid him back down. He whined a little, and then was right back to sleep.
• He woke at 8:30am fussing, which is not normal. Typically he wakes up in a very good mood. When I went to pick him up, I realized he had peed through his diaper, pajamas, and sheet (hence the fussing...). Once he was changed, he was back to him normal happy self.
• The biggest shock of all came at nap time. He actually took two 1.5 hour long naps. His normal nap schedule is 3, 30 minute naps.

I know some people believe letting their child cry it out makes them more clingy and dependant on their parents, but I haven't seen this at all. Kael seemed happier, and although he was more snuggly before his naps, I didn't mind that at all!

I was worried that the only reason it wasn't as bad as I was anticipating was because he had received shots Friday afternoon and I thought they might have helped knock him out. I guess we will see...