Forgot What That Felt Like...

Today Kael is 7 months old. I should be working on his update, but I really just don't have the energy to upload a bunch of pictures and sound sentimental and excited about him growing up. The truth is, I wish he would stop growing so fast. It makes me sad. I feel like I never fully got to enjoy the "baby" stages because he blew right through them. But most of all, I am TIRED. This boy does not sleep anymore and it is killing me. I have to struggle to stay away when I'm at work, and I cringe the close it gets to bedtime because I know that no matter how hard I pray, I will still be getting up every 2 hours.

But the real reason I am writing this post is because I experienced a feeling- an emotion if you will, that I haven't felt in a REALLY long time.

WARNING: this is a little TMI

After trying to have a baby for so long, it has really been pretty weird to try and prevent from having another one. I'm not on birth control because I have never been, and just don't want to open up that can of hormonal worms. We have really been careful, but there was one night where we slipped. We let our "emotions" get the best of ourselves and didn't use our best judgement. Of coarse, we immediately regretted it, and I have since then been convinced that I would somehow, by some sort of ironic miracle, get pregnant.

For the past two weeks I have been calculating in my head how old Kael would be, how we would make it work in our 2 bedroom house, what we would name it if it was another boy, etc. I really would feel pretty sick thinking about having another one so close in age. I know I want more kids, but I feel like if I were to get pregnant now, I would be taking away so much from Kael and in a way, forcing him to grow up. I want to cherish this time with him, and I would like to be able to sleep through the night for a while before giving those up again.

Well, today my period decided to arrive. Right on track. And my first thought was, THANK GOD! And then I thought... WOAH! I can't remember the last time I felt that way. I remember constantly thinking "Damn You!" whenever I got my period, and now I am rejoicing. It is so bittersweet. It makes me wonder if it will take us as long to get pregnant the second time, or if my first pregnancy has somehow "fixed" whatever problem we faced before.

Any who... I will get to Kael's update, more than likely this weekend. We had his 6 month (even though he is technically 7 months) photo shoot tonight, and I am so excited to see how the pictures turned out! I got to see a few right on her camera and was breathless.