It's About Time

As I woke up this morning (an hour before my alarm clock), all I could think about was how my dentist appointment was going to go. Would they be willing to write me the letter that I needed, because if not, who knows what would happen with our moving status. I laid in bed for that hour just thinking and praying. All of this has been such a stressful process, and I keep finding myself slipping into the whole "woe is me" mind frame. I guess more than anything I feel like God is continuously testing Kevin and I, and I just don't get it. I feel like we have already endured our fair share of tests and would just really like a break right about now. I know that he is strengthening us, but I just don't see how he could expect for me to handle much more. I see everyone around me buying houses, having babies, getting great jobs, and I feel like my life has yet to begin. It is continuously on hold, moving from place to place, not able to buy a house or get a decent job. I know that one day Kevin and I will be able to settle down into one specific place and things will all fall into place, but it just feels like a constant struggle. It doesn't help that Kevin's graduation is tomorrow and it breaks me heart to know that I am sitting here at home blogging, while he is packing and having graduation practice. I should be there... I also keep finding myself consumed with Easter Sunday, April 4th. That would have been my due date... I would be reaching 9 months of pregnancy at this point, and yet, here I sit empty. That is the best description I can find when I think about pregnancy and babies... empty. They took my baby out of me, leaving me empty and now I have to pray and wait for the perfect time to come again.

Please don't get me wrong, I know I sound very down in the dumps, but I really am thankful for how things turned out for Kevin and I. If I were to still be pregnant there is no way we would have even considered moving to Kodiak, risking the chance of Kevin being put on a boat and being gone for roughly 2 months at a time. I do see that God works in mysterious ways, and although it is really hard to see the big picture at times, I know that somewhere down the line all of this will make sense.

But thankfully... I went to my dentist appointment this morning, got the letter I needed, faxed it off, and received my entry approval all by 11 am! woo hoo!! So that stress is over with, and now hopefully everything else will start moving along quickly. I have an appointment tomorrow in Austin to deal with my passport, and I still can't believe Kevin will be here at 9:30 am on Saturday! I am so excited I could pop!!