Chronicles of a Sleep Deprived Mom (Overview)

I realize I never finished my "series" on our attempts at getting Kael to sleep through the night by letting him cry it out (CIO). The funny thing is, once I am not so sleep deprived, I find myself much more willing to get things done around the house, leaving me with less time to fart around on the computer (which ends up in blogging).

But here we are again...

For a brief summary, the CIO method seemed to work pretty well for us. By the third night, he was sleeping straight through from 7pm-5am, wake to nurse, and go back to sleep until 7am. And I was perfectly okay with that. I figured 10 hours, being breastfed, was a good run for my money.

And then Kael learned to pull himself up to stand ::sigh::

And we are right back to square one. No sleep. And now I have no clue how to let him CIO when he is standing in his crib. He doesn't know how to get down, and seems to panic when he realizes this. His cries have turned into screams which are just heart wrenching. I am seriously at a loss at this point.

I feel like I am waving the white flag and admitting my defeat. I feel like I am going to just have to suck it up and deal with this until he turns one and is off bottles. And this thought makes me want to break down and cry! I am exhausted. Physically and mentally. I know I am not functioning at full capacity, but there is nothing I can do about it. I have lost all focus on my weight loss and running. I can feel myself slipping, and I hate it.

Any suggestions out there would be greatly appreciated! I don't know what to do anymore...

Chronicles of a Sleep Deprived Mom (Night 3)

Night 3-Sunday:

Well, I was really hoping Night 3 would be our magical night that would consist of no wakings at all, but no such luck. Don't get me wrong... it was still MUCH better than the hell we had been experiencing before, but I am learning that this little guy is pretty hard headed.

He went down at his normal time (7pm), and made it until 3:30. When I heard him through the monitor and saw what time it was, I figured he had made more progress and we were still headed in the right track. But the crying continued... and continued.... and continued. He would start of strong and loud, get softer, and eventually fade into silence. Right would I would think he was asleep, it would start over again. I knew he was tired, but he was seriously fighting it. I went in and patted after 5, 10, 15 minutes. He was still going strong, and he seemed to grow more upset each time I went in- so I stopped. I sat in bed and listened to the monitor. Eventually after an hour passed I caved. I went in and fed him around 4:30. He was asleep when I laid him back down and he slept until 6:30.

It was definitely much tougher than the night before, but I'm hoping with the longer he stretches his sleep out, he will eventually get to a total of 9-10 hours with no wakings at all. I can work with that for a while until we can eventually work up to dropping that early morning feeding.

His naps have somewhat reverted to their old selves.

Sunday he had 2 naps that were each an hour long. Still an improvement, but his second nap was pretty early, so he was a grump around 5pm.

Monday naps were not so good (after our tough night). He took 3 naps. His first was 30 minutes, his second an hour and 15 minutes, and his third 20 minutes.

We are still working on the whole napping thing, and I am really nervous to see how it goes tomorrow at day care (he has a really though time napping with loud noises around him).

Chronicles of a Sleep Deprived Mom (Night 2)

I was a little nervous coming into night two. I don't know why... maybe because the first night wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I think deep down inside I thought his shots were what helped him sleep better (or at least fall back to sleep rather quickly).

So we followed our same schedule. I considered letting him take a 30 minute cat nap from around 5:30 to try and stretch him out so he wouldn't go to bed until 8, but he was fighting it, and I thought, don't mess with something that is working.

So here is how night two went...

Night Two- Saturday:

• Nursed Kael at 7 pm, and he fell asleep. I put him in his crib, and he stayed asleep.
• He woke once when Winston barked around 8:15, whinned a little, and went right back to sleep
• Slept until 1:30, I heard him whinning and tossing a little through the monitor and then he was back to sleep. I didn't even get out of bed to check on him (bad mom!)
• At 4:30 he started whinning, and then it stopped. A few minutes later he began to cry. Then it stopped. I went to check on him and I could see his arms and legs up in the air, so I went back to my room to listen to the monitor. He had little bursts of crying for about 30 minutes. The crying was only a few seconds, and then would stop.
• At 5, I finally caved and decided I would feed him again. At this point he was crying hard, and it was a cry I had never heard before. When I went to pick him up, I realized it must have been his "I'm uncomfortable" cry because he was soaking wet! From his shoulder to his foot, he was drenched in pee (how that happened... I have NO clue!) His blanket and sheet were wet as well.
• I changed him (not saying a word and keeping the lights off) and then nursed him. Since his sheets needed to be changed, I went ahead and took him into my room and laid him in the pack n play. He was still awake, and without any crying, eventually went back to sleep (not sure when since he didn't make a single noise).
• I woke to him "talking" to himself this morning at 7:30. He was in a great mood and gave me his famous smile as soon as he saw me peek over the side of the pack n play. I pulled him into bed with me and we cuddled until dad got home, and then all 3 of us snuggled until 8.

I know I am probably setting myself up for disaster by feeding him at 5 both mornings, but I figured we would work at that when the time comes. I would rather work on getting rid of the frequent night wakings and feedings (he was getting fed 2-3 time a night). Once he is sleeping entirely through the night, then we will work on weening him off of the 5 am feeding.

It seemed like there was a big improvement from the first and second night, so I am anxious to see how tonight goes. I am hoping he will drop all night wakings, with the exception of around 4:30-5 (I'm anticipating that one to stick around).

We will see how naps go today as well. I'll keep you posted!

The Chronicles of a Sleep Deprived Mom (Background and Night 1)

Ok sorry... I had to start off with a super cute picture. I wasn't able to upload any on my 6 month update, so here it is! Plus, even with all the frustration and misery I have been feeling lately, when I see that little face in the morning, it reminds me that I would do anything for that little guy!

So in my last post I sort of touched base on the sleep issues we have been facing. It really seemed to come out of nowhere. Well, I take that back. Once he figured out how to roll over in his sleep, the sleep seemed to stop. I immediately thought he must have had an ear infection, but we took him in, and his ears looked fine. I tried to blame it on teething, but teeth still have not appeared, and it has been well over a month. So here we are... totally sleepless. Which isn't a good look on any of us. It results in a cranky baby, a pissy mommy, and a lot of arguing between mommy and daddy.

I thought I couldn't handle the whole cry it out (CIO) method, so I bought a book that was a much gentler approach and really emphasized loving on your baby, rocking them, nursing, etc. I thought it would be perfect. But basically they said let the baby run the show... I was already doing everything they said to do, and was waking at minimum every 2 hours at night. I ditched that book REAL fast!

I downloaded a sample of Ferber's book on iBooks, and read the first 2 chapters. I decided it would be worth a shot, and was planning on buying it Friday. We had Kael's 6 month well check appointment that afternoon, and after talking to the doctor, I decided to not even buy the book. I would use what I could find online, and the doctor's recommendation (use earplugs and let him cry).

So my plan was this:

1. I would still nurse him at bedtime. If he fell asleep, okay. If not, I would lay him down in his crib once he finished and was drowsy.
2. I wasn't going to just let him cry and not go in and check on him. This is where Ferber stepped in and I used his gradual approach. I would let him cry for 3 minutes, then go and check on him. Then wait 5 minutes before checking on him again, and then 10 minutes. Never taking him out of the crib, or talking to him. Just patting his back and telling him "shhhh".
3. I also wasn't sure how long he could go without nursing. In the past, 9 hours was the longest he had gone without eating. I also knew that I was throwing in weening with the CIO, so I was expecting the absolute worst. I told myself that I would give him 10 hours and then I would feed him since that was an improvement from his previous 9 hours.
4. I wanted to stick with our normal bedtime routine as much as possible. It is typically like this: dinner at 6, bath at 6:30, read a book or two, and then nurse around 6:45 and he is asleep by 7

So here we go...

Night One-Friday:

• We followed our typical bedtime routine. Kael nursed and was asleep by 7 pm. When I went to lay him in his crib, he woke up. I kissed him, told him I loved him and good night, and left him.
• He rolled around and played for 20 minutes. At 7:21 he began to cry. I waited 3 minutes, went and patted his back, and left. Went back in after 5 minutes, and again after 10. Right around the 20 minute mark, he fell asleep.
• He slept for a solid 4 hours, and then woke at 12, 2:30, 3:30, 4:30, and 5:30
• Thankfully each waking consisted of 3-4 minutes of crying and then he was right back to sleep
• When he woke at 5:30, I decided to go ahead and feed him. He was still slightly awake when I laid him back down. He whined a little, and then was right back to sleep.
• He woke at 8:30am fussing, which is not normal. Typically he wakes up in a very good mood. When I went to pick him up, I realized he had peed through his diaper, pajamas, and sheet (hence the fussing...). Once he was changed, he was back to him normal happy self.
• The biggest shock of all came at nap time. He actually took two 1.5 hour long naps. His normal nap schedule is 3, 30 minute naps.

I know some people believe letting their child cry it out makes them more clingy and dependant on their parents, but I haven't seen this at all. Kael seemed happier, and although he was more snuggly before his naps, I didn't mind that at all!

I was worried that the only reason it wasn't as bad as I was anticipating was because he had received shots Friday afternoon and I thought they might have helped knock him out. I guess we will see...

Half Way to One!

Dear Baby Kael,

Please stop growing so fast! How has it already been 6 months since the day you were born?!? Time is flying by so fast, and every once in a while I just want to hit the pause button (especially when you give me one of your famous smiles where you squish your face and your eyes get squinty).

I love you more than anything, and there are times I still get tears in my eyes when I look at you and realize that you are mine! I waited so long to have you in my life, and I am a better person because of you. I can't wait to see what is in store for us in the next 6 months to come!

I love you to the moon and back!

Love,

Mom

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For all of those who read this and are mothers, I'm sure you know exactly where I am coming from. 6 months seems to be such a HUGE breaking point. At times I think he is still my little baby, but then when I really look at him and watch him, I realize he isn't a baby anymore. He is this little person who is learning new things each and every day. He is developing mentally and physically over night (literally!). He is halfway to that one year old mark, and to be completely honest, that makes me an emotional train wreck. I can't imagine him being a year old! I know I am jumping ahead of myself, but after seeing how fast these first 6 months went, I know the next 6 are going to FLY by.

After Kael has gone to bed at night, I find myself looking through all of his pictures, starting with the day he was born. It blows my mind how much he has changed in such a short amount of time. He is such a funny little guy, and I love getting to see his personality develop.

He had his 6 month well check appointment yesterday, and he is weighing in at 17 pounds 3 ounces. I didn't get a chance to see how long he was because he was screaming at the top of his lungs. He must be developing stranger anxiety, because anytime one of the nurses or doctor got too close for comfort he lost it.

First of all... he is ALL BOY! He is a mover, who does not like to sit still. He gets bored easily, and will whine as he scoots/crawls across the room until he finds something that is worth while. He is chewing on everything in sight, and although he appears to be teething, he has had the same symptoms for months now, and still no teeth to prove it. He enjoys standing up and even moves his feet in the walking motion if I hold his hands and we move across the room (I have a feeling he is going to be an early walker). He is very independent and even more hard headed. He is a man on a mission when he sees something he wants, and nothing can get in his way. He is beginning to pull himself up, but gets sort of stuck and freaks out. He loves different textures, and has become obsessed with the rug in our kitchen and Winston's hair.

The biggest milestones this month are:

• He has totally mastered sitting up, and can now lay himself down onto his stomach from the sitting position.
• He is scooting/crawling. He is a speedy scooter (I like to call it the army crawl), and is getting up all fours and trying to figure out how to move that way
• He is attempting to pull up, and will stay unsupported in the standing position for a few minutes at a time
• He is picking up food with his whole hand and feeding himself

We have tried nearly every food possible. Carrots, Sweet Potatos, and Peas are his favorite veggies. He is not a big fan of Squash or Green Beans. He has also tried apples, bananas, pears, and pineapple and loves them all.

The biggest problem we are having right now is sleep (or should I say LACK of sleep...) After about 2 weeks in his own room, he came back to the pack n play in our room. His sleep schedule has been AWFUL and has left me tired and miserable. He has started waking multiple times a night, and some nights it is as often as every hour. It has been a real struggle, and I think my frustration really stemmed from the knowledge that he had been sleeping through the night at such a young age, and it seemed to have just disappeared! After desperately buying the "no cry" sleep solution book and getting absolutely nowhere with that, we have started the Ferber method this weekend, after consulting with his doctor of coarse. Last night was our first night, and although it was tough, it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would have been. He cried for 20 minutes when I put him down for the night. I went in after 3 minutes, then 5, and then 10. He slept for a solid 4 hours after falling asleep. He woke at 12, 2:30, and 3:30 and went back to sleep after crying for only 3-4 minutes. When he woke at 5:30, I cracked and went ahead and fed him (I felt like 10.5 hours was long enough). He went right back to sleep, and slept soundly until 8:30. But the most amazing thing of all... he took 2 naps today that were each an hour and half long!! That NEVER happens! His naps are usually only 30 minutes, so this was a very nice improvement. I will let you know how the next few nights go.

We are slowly introducing the sippy cup, although I am only putting water in it. For some reason I am not really into the idea of giving him juice. He did really well with his cup, and although he mostly just chews on it, he has the right concept of lifting it to his mouth. The cup we got is pretty cool too. It came with two different nipples, the first being similar to a bottle nipple, and then the more "normal" sippy cup nipple. I'm assuming once he gets the hang of how to use the cup, we will switch to the other nipple.

I am still breast feeding, and although it is taking a lot of work, I am planning on sticking it out until he is one. I love getting to nurse him, and knowing that he is getting the best nutrition possible. I am just having a tough time making sure I pump enough to have milk for him while he is at daycare. I typically am able to pump 4-5 ounces in two pumping sessions, which is enough for one bottle (my body doesn't seem to react well to the pump anymore). The days that he needs 2 bottles at daycare are when I seem to get in a real tough spot. I don't get time to pump at work, so that doesn't help either. I try to sneak away to feed him once a day, but sometimes that just isn't possible, and those days are tough. I think the most formula he has had, is 4 ounces in one day (we had to add 2 ounces of formula to two of his bottles one Saturday when I had an all day training). He wont drink the formula by itself, but if I hide it with another 2-3 ounces of breastmilk he will.

I am so excited for his first Halloween!! His costume(s) is top secret, and I can't wait to post pictures! He is supposed to have his 6 month photo shoot at the end of the month as well, although we are in the process of having it rescheduled because of dad's work... I'm hoping they go better than his "school" pictures they did at the daycare, because he cried the entire time for those (back to the whole stranger anxiety thing...).

Oh, and lastly... he has developed an obsession for Mickey Mouse Clubhouse! I know it probably isn't the best idea to have him watching TV, but sometimes it is the only thing that will keep him entertained! We had been planning on doing a beach/pirate theme for his first birthday, but now we are thinking we might need to go with Mickey! I'm hoping he will still love Mickey when he sees him in person in January! :)

** I have sat and waited for my pictures to load for nearly 30 minutes so I am giving up. I will try to post them again tomorrow!

5 Months

The weekend Kael turned 5 months old was jam packed with fun (which resulted in a lack of updating). I hate these in between months that don't have well check appointments since I have no clue how much he has grown (although I don't mind dealing with the shots at all!)

Kael is a machine. He is all boy and likes to MOVE. He rarely stays still, and alot of times looks like he should be swimming, the way he moves his arms and legs when he is on his belly. We will more than likely take him to the pool next weekend, and I can't wait to see how he likes it!

But... onto the updates!

One of the most exciting milestones Kael has reached is he is starting to sit up unsupported. He is still wobbly, but he is increasing the amount of time he can stay up on his own, and really seems to enjoy the new kind of view he gets.

We started cereal and food pretty early. He just always seemed like he needed something more to help hold him over. Since adding food to his diet, he has moved from nursing every 2 hours to every 2.5-3 hours (thank God!). So far, he has tried apples, bananas, and sweet potatoes. He was not a fan of the fruit in the beginning, and is just now starting to warm up to them. He loved sweet potatoes from the very first taste. We will be introducing peas, carrots, and pears over the next 2-3 weeks. Sadly, I have given up on making his baby food. I tried... I swear I did! But he refused to eat it! I will admit... I'm not very good at cooking, and apparently I'm not good at mashing/pureeing either! But we are sticking with all organic, and I feel like if I'm not able to make his baby food, this is the next best thing.

We got our first cold front, and Kael was finally able to buy the first outfit his auntie Lauren ever bought him (and just in time, he was about to outgrow it!)

(check out those toes... I just want to eat them!!)

We moved Kael into his own room. :( It was one of the hardest things I have had to do so far! He did pretty good- although his sleep schedule has been totally out of whack. From the picture, you can see that he has learned to roll onto his side while he is sleeping... but more than that, he is now rolling onto his stomach as well. My assumption is that when he startles or wakes a little, and he is on his stomach, he becomes really confused and can't soothe himself back to sleep. He had been sleeping 9 hour stretches, and then this rolling over thing ruined everything! He started waking about every 45 minutes. We thought he had an ear infection- nope. We thought it was teething- nope. So we are back to the rolling thing... last night in pure desperation I stuck a pillow next to Kael's belly/legs (don't worry, it was FAR from his face) to keep him from rolling, and guess what... he slept!!

Here is his typical 5 month picture. It is getting so much harder to get a good picture of him since he is wiggling around so much these days! Never the less, that smile is all I need to consider this picture perfect. :)

The day Kael turned 5 months old, we took him to his first rodeo. It was the Kodiak fair and rodeo, and we had a blast! It made me so homesick, even though the rodeo was pitiful compared to what we are used to. It was a rainy and nasty day (big surprise considering where we live), but it was still worth it. Kael loved the animals (his favorite was the chicken...), I loved watching the rodeo, and Kevin loved to pulled pork sandwiches. It was perfect.

It has only taken me about a week to get this post finished. I am fairly certain we might have a hyper active child. He refuses to sit still, and gets bored so easily. I'm glad that he is so into the world around him, but I never get a break! Anyway... we took him to the doctor this week for a cough that he has had for a while, so we got his weight.

drum roll please...................16 pounds 10 ounces!

How in the world in my little man so big already?!?

And just for fun, here are pictures of Kael giving mommy and daddy some of his famous baby kisses! I love those drooly, open mouth kisses more than anything!

I absolutely LOVE the way he is holding Kevin's face! Heart warming...

Mommy Moment

Tomorrow Kael turns 5 months old. I should be starting on that post, but I can't seem to wrap my head around it. I find myself asking, "how is this possible? How has it already been 5 months?" Which then turns into..."If these 5 months have already gone by this fast, he is going to be one in the blink of an eye!"

I think you see where I'm going with that... As soon as I realize that he is growing (and I can't stop it) and the time is flying by, I start realize that he is not going to stay this little for very long. I know there is lots of fun in store in the months/years to come. I look forward to him walking and talking. I can't wait to hear him say "mama" for the first time, or for him to actually run up to give me a hug and a kiss. But a huge part of me is not ready to let go of this baby stage. I know you probably think I am nuts... he is only 5 months old. But he wont be for long.

I have had 4 friends within the past week announced their pregnancies. On top of the 3 other friends who are further along, that is a grand total of 7! Of coarse there is NO way that Kevin and I would start trying for another baby right now, but it gives me a weird longing in my chest. I miss being pregnant. I miss the excitement and anticipation. I miss the little nudges and listening to the tiny heart beating inside of my belly. I miss having a big ol' belly and being able to watch my baby move across it.

But then I have to stop myself. I may miss the joys of pregnancy, but that whole 9 months led to this... what I have sleeping in his own room for the first time. A sweet baby boy who has his dad's nose and lots and lots of gorgeous hair. A tiny mole on his right shoulder and chubby little toes. A smile that can bring tears to my eyes and a laugh that is contagious.

I look at him, and I can't help but to thank God. I immediately realize how truly blessed I am. He was the answer to my prayers, and it was Kael that we waited so long for.

I have found myself envious lately. I envy my friends buying their first homes, who have good jobs, and nice cars. I am especially envious of those who live close to family and friends. And I have struggled with these feelings countless times. But every time I begin to feel defeated, all I have to do is look at Kael. We may live thousands of miles away from our loved ones, in a crappy military 4-plex, where I work for a little more than minimum wage, and drive an older car... but I have him... and nothing else matters. The luxuries that I once yearned for, mean little to me now. As long as I have Kevin and Kael, I am happy. I am thankful for what God has given us, and I can't wait to see what else he has in store.

On a side note... my cousin is going through a lot right now. A week ago, several tumors were found on her husbands lungs and kidneys. He will be going to MD Anderson in Houston on Tuesday. Please keep their family in your thoughts and prayers. They have two kids- a sophomore in high school and an 8th grader. I can't imagine what they are feeling right now, and wish more than ever that I could be there to offer some support.