Mommy Moment

Tomorrow Kael turns 5 months old. I should be starting on that post, but I can't seem to wrap my head around it. I find myself asking, "how is this possible? How has it already been 5 months?" Which then turns into..."If these 5 months have already gone by this fast, he is going to be one in the blink of an eye!"

I think you see where I'm going with that... As soon as I realize that he is growing (and I can't stop it) and the time is flying by, I start realize that he is not going to stay this little for very long. I know there is lots of fun in store in the months/years to come. I look forward to him walking and talking. I can't wait to hear him say "mama" for the first time, or for him to actually run up to give me a hug and a kiss. But a huge part of me is not ready to let go of this baby stage. I know you probably think I am nuts... he is only 5 months old. But he wont be for long.

I have had 4 friends within the past week announced their pregnancies. On top of the 3 other friends who are further along, that is a grand total of 7! Of coarse there is NO way that Kevin and I would start trying for another baby right now, but it gives me a weird longing in my chest. I miss being pregnant. I miss the excitement and anticipation. I miss the little nudges and listening to the tiny heart beating inside of my belly. I miss having a big ol' belly and being able to watch my baby move across it.

But then I have to stop myself. I may miss the joys of pregnancy, but that whole 9 months led to this... what I have sleeping in his own room for the first time. A sweet baby boy who has his dad's nose and lots and lots of gorgeous hair. A tiny mole on his right shoulder and chubby little toes. A smile that can bring tears to my eyes and a laugh that is contagious.

I look at him, and I can't help but to thank God. I immediately realize how truly blessed I am. He was the answer to my prayers, and it was Kael that we waited so long for.

I have found myself envious lately. I envy my friends buying their first homes, who have good jobs, and nice cars. I am especially envious of those who live close to family and friends. And I have struggled with these feelings countless times. But every time I begin to feel defeated, all I have to do is look at Kael. We may live thousands of miles away from our loved ones, in a crappy military 4-plex, where I work for a little more than minimum wage, and drive an older car... but I have him... and nothing else matters. The luxuries that I once yearned for, mean little to me now. As long as I have Kevin and Kael, I am happy. I am thankful for what God has given us, and I can't wait to see what else he has in store.

On a side note... my cousin is going through a lot right now. A week ago, several tumors were found on her husbands lungs and kidneys. He will be going to MD Anderson in Houston on Tuesday. Please keep their family in your thoughts and prayers. They have two kids- a sophomore in high school and an 8th grader. I can't imagine what they are feeling right now, and wish more than ever that I could be there to offer some support.