Holy Cow!!

First of all... I just noticed that my "one month old" post for Kael has seemed to have disappeared... or I just never actually posted it. hmmm.... the brain of a new mom! I guess I will go back and see if I can find it somewhere!

But the real reason I'm posting is because I am so proud of my little (ish) man! Today he is 7 weeks old, and I'm proud to say that he has slept through the night for the past 3 nights in a row!! I can't believe it!

Night 1: 9:45-6:45 (9 hours)
Night 2: 9:15-4:15 (7 hours) ate and went right back to sleep 4:30-8:30 (4 hours) total= 11 hrs.
Night 3: 9:30-7:30 (10 hours)

I am in total shock! Mainly because it felt like it came out of nowhere. It wasn't a gradual increase like what I was expecting. He jumped from sleeping 4 hours at a time with the occasional 5 hours stretch, to all night long!

I know that he went through a growth spurt last week, so I'm sure that had something to do with it. I've also read that once they reach 11 pounds their metabolism starts working more effectively and they are able to hold off longer between feedings. 14 pounds seems to be another magic number I have heard, and he is right between the two. Not to mention, he has totally mastered the art of sucking his thumb! I can hear him trying to find it in the middle of the night... sucking on his hand and arm until he finally gets the thumb. I was really hoping he wouldn't be a thumb sucker, but I guess there isn't much I can do about it now (and thankfully he only seems to do it to help himself fall asleep).

Well, Kael and I have a big day tomorrow and I have a lot to take care of so I better stop procrastinating and get to work while he is napping!

Six Weeks

Where is the time going?? It still blows my mind that it has already been six weeks since I met my little man for the first time. I remember thinking that I would never want more children after how horrible my labor/delivery was, but it is surprising how quickly I have forgotten how bad it really was. And I must say... when Kael looks me straight in the eye and gives me a huge smile, it makes any memory of that horrible pain vanish. I mean, just look at him... how could it have not been worth every ounce of pain??
Well, onto our six week updates!

Kael had an appointment to get his shots at 6 weeks, which apparently was a miscommunication of some sort. The nurse practitioner told me to bring him in at 6 weeks, but when we showed up for our appointment, the doctor told us it was too soon, and to come back at 2 months. But to be honest, I don't mind taking him in so often because I love seeing how much he grows! The nurse we had was my least favorite, and didn't tell us any of his length/head measurements, but I was able to see his weight and he is up to 12 pounds 8 ounces!! I can't believe how much he keeps growing, and it slightly breaks my heart each time I see his weight increase another pound. I love his little changes and the personality he is developing, but I miss his tiny body that would curl into a tiny little rolly polly ball while being held.

And shockingly, Kael is going through a growth spurt as we speak! He was doing awesome with his schedule of eat, play, sleep every 2.5-3 hours and sleeping 4.5-5 hours at night. I was thinking we had it pretty easy, and then BAM! He is starving and wants to eat every 1.5 hours, will only take a 20 minute nap, and is getting up every 2-3 hours at night. I have been so worried that he will not get back on his schedule, but we will just have to wait and see!

As for me, I had my 6 week postnatal appointment today. I LOVE my doctor! We talked about how rough the delivery was and how bad my tear was. She really toned it down in the hospital and is actually referring me to a physical therapist for postnatal care! I am completely healed, but because of the extent of the "repair" she thinks I am the perfect candidate for some physical therapy. She made it sound like it would be similar to a personal trainer helping me get back into shape, and showing me that ideal workouts to get my body back to the way it was. I'm actually REALLY excited! I have wanted to start working out again, but just haven't had the energy, or the know how. My body feels like a stranger to me, and I have been rather nervous about just jumping right back into things. This seems like the perfect answer for me! It will make me accountable since I will be meeting with a professional, and I will be learning the best possible work outs for my post baby body! :)

I also had to face the dreaded scale! I am actually only 8 pounds from my prepregnancy weight, and I'm hoping I can get the rest of that off by the time I go back to work. Kevin and I have actually started doing Weight Watchers online program, and both really like it. They have a program for men and for nursing moms, so it meets both of our needs and helps us to support one another. We are both considered "obese" based on our BMI, so we are really trying to get into that "normal" range. Kevin has about 43 pounds to his goal weight, and I have :cough48cough: It is scary to see that large of a number, but I'm actually really excited about finally committing to losing weight. I want to be healthy for Kael, and I want to feel good about myself. I have fought with my weight for some time, and I would LOVE to finally get it under control! On top of weight watchers, I will be starting a program called "couch to 5k". It is a 9 week running program that starts you off very slowly, and builds you up to run 3 miles in a workout.

I guess is has something to do with Alaska, but I feel like my life is finally falling into place. I am proud to say I am officially a Texas A&M graduate, I have a loving husband and perfect son, a good job that I don't hate, and the motivation to take charge of my health. I couldn't ask for more (except to find a church we like)!

And just because I love this little guy, another "6 week" picture of Kael!

One Month Old (finally found it!)

When Kael was about a week old, I was walking through the grocery store when a lady stopped to look at my "brand new" baby. She had three kids in tow, and looked at me with a smile and told me, "Enjoy it while it lasts... they don't stay this little for very long" and boy was she right!

2 days old

1 week old

2 weeks old

3 weeks old

One Month Old!!

In a month, Kael has grown and changed so much. It breaks my heart that he isn't that teeny tiny newborn anymore. Don't get me wrong... I love watching him grow and learning what his personality and temperament are going to be like. He melts my heart with his little smirks, and now that he is staying awake more, I am able to just gaze into his eyes.

His favorite "activities" so far are playing on his floor mat and taking baths. He loves cuddling and just looking around the room. He will follow a toy or my hand with his eyes, and is starting to wiggle around is he is laying on the floor or changing table. He still keeps his little hands in tight fists, but he waves them around all over the place!

We also hit a clothing milestone. The day Kael turned one month old, was the same day we packed up all of his newborn clothes. I shed a few tears as I was reminded that he wouldn't stay this little for very long. He is now wearing 0-3 or 3 month depending on the brand.

Since I have had to rewrite this post 3 times, I sadly don't remember what Kael's weight was at his 1 month appointment, but at his 2 week appointment he was 21 1/2 inches long, and 9lbs 4ozs. I want to say his weight was 10lbs 6ozs, but that is just off the top of my head. Needless to say... he is growing like a weed!

I can honestly say that we are very blessed with such a happy baby. He rarely cries, and for the most part that is only when he is hungry and getting sleepy. We have only had 3 nights where he screamed and wouldn't stop crying. It went on for 30 minutes to an hour, and I cried right along with him! He is on a very good schedule (we are using the book Baby Wise) of eat, play, sleep every 2.5-3 hours. He usually sticks right around the 2.5 hour mark during the day, and 4 hours at night.

Well, the little booger is waking up from his nap... better go!

4 Weeks Post Partum

Seriously?!? How in the world has it been 4 weeks already? Since Kael wont technically be 1 month old until the 3rd, I decided I would do a post on me (shocking I know!).

First of all, I don't have any pictures of myself to upload. This is because any picture that is taken of me that shows below my chest typically gets deleted since they make me want to barf. I have lost 20-25 pounds of the 35 that I gained. It all sort of melted it off around the 2 week mark. I remember being overjoyed when I got on the scale and saw that- I figured losing the baby weight and getting my body back would be a breeze! Well... another 2 weeks have gone by, and not a pound has come off. I don't understand it to be honest. I don't eat much (it's pretty tough when every time I sit down to have a meal, Kael starts to cry) and I'm drinking tons and tons of water since breast feeding seems to really dehydrate me. But more than the scale, it is my body as a whole. Although I have lost weight, I feel as though I still look pregnant (in clothes). But as soon as I lift my shirt, it looks like something straight out of a horror movie! A big saggy blob that is supposed to be my stomach just hangs there. It is covered in dark stretch marks that look like scars, and I seem to have widened. Any waistline that I had before is now non-existent and don't get me started of my hips, thighs, or ass! Don't get me wrong... I would live with my body like this forever if it meant having my baby boy, but it can get tough on a girl's self esteem. I know I just had a baby...I know it takes time...I know I'm still beautiful, but when you have an abundance of hormones still racing through your body you can't help but get a little frustrated.

On the other hand... let me tell you about these boobs! I now know what it would feel like if I had fake boobs that are hard and perky and don't require you to wear a bra! I feel like I could give Dolly Parton or Pamela Anderson some competition with these ta-tas. But they aren't all fun and games. I have worn a bra every minute of every day (besides in the shower) since Kael was born. They hurt otherwise- mainly being sore from breast feeding, but also I have to wear nursing pads to help with any leaking. Thankfully I haven't had any embarrassing moments on that front yet. Breast feeding is actually going really well. Kael latched on like a pro, and I never had sore or cracked nipples. My milk came in around day 4, and I have felt like a milk cow since then! I actually had to deal with engorgement for 3-4 days rather than pump to help decrease my supply. It seems to have evened out, and is producing the perfect amount for Kael. It is so amazing how our bodies work! I have about 50 bags of frozen milk to use once I go back to work, and will hopefully be increasing that supply soon. I haven't pumped in about 2 weeks, but we plan on introducing bottles within the week, so I will start pumping once a day again(a bottle for Kael, and a bottle to freeze). I'm excited to have Kevin help with the feedings and to give him the opportunity to bond with Kael, but at the same time I can feel my heart breaking just a little thinking about missing out on that time with him. I know I have to get him used to bottles for when I go back to work, but I love the time we have when he nurses.

My recovery has been pretty easy considering what a horrible delivery I had. I never took anything stronger than 800 mg of motrin, and after about 10 days I stopped taking it. my biggest complaint is that I'm ready for these stitches to dissolve already! I can feel them sort of pull when I do certain things. I am also still bleeding (sorry for the TMI). I am so sick of it, and REALLY hope it stops soon. It has been like having a period for a month straight... not fun! Other than that, I feel like I am recovering pretty quickly. Kevin and I actually went out and did alot with Kael pretty early on. We have taken several walks with the stroller, I have used the carrier once, and I actually just got the Ergo baby carrier which I'm really excited to try out!

I'm slowly starting to get more sleep at night. It still isn't much, but a big improvement from the 1.5-2 hours I was getting the first 2 weeks. I just keep telling myself it will get better, and I'm really working to get Kael on a good schedule that will hopefully help him sleep through the night by 2 months old.

But of coarse the best part of being 4 weeks post partum is my sweet baby boy! I can't wait to do his 1 month old post! Keep a look out, I will be posting it on Tuesday.

Birth Story- Part 2

The time went on and on. I was pushing for what felt like forever! All I wanted was to meet my son. I didn’t understand what was taking so long. I could feel every contraction, I knew exactly when to push, and I pushed long and hard. I will admit, the longer it took, the harder I pushed. I was exhausted, worn out, and was in extreme pain, but I wanted it to be over as quickly as possible. I couldn’t see anything, and my eyes were rolling to the back of my head. I remember screaming… A LOT. I never thought I would be one of those women. You know, the ones you see on TV or in the movies who are screaming at the top of their lungs, but guess what… I was. I couldn’t control myself. To be honest I don’t remember much of the pushing part of labor other than feeling frantic. All I wanted was for it to be over. At one point I remember screaming at the doctor, “I can feel EVERYTHING!” I started having cramps in my right hip which caused my entire body to start shaking. I had a blood pressure cuff on the entire time, which would tighten every 3 minutes. I remember screaming at the nurse to take it off of me because it would get so tight.

This continued for hours… 2 ½ hours to be exact. I pushed harder and harder with each contraction, just hoping that he would come with that push. Finally the doctor decided to try the vacuum. It didn’t work. She then had the nurse bring in a different vacuum which was connected to a compressor and had more power. Still didn’t work. After a few more pushes, I felt her cut me. The first thing I thought was, “That wasn’t in my birth plan!” I did not want an episiotomy, but it had already been done. I knew things were not going well at that point. Although my doctor was very calm, it seemed like everything she tried to do to help me failed. More and more nurses came into the room. He was so close, yet so far. They could see his head, but it felt like they had been saying that the entire time. To be honest, the way Kevin described it was he looked like a “prairie dog”. The top of his head would come out as I pushed, but as soon as I stopped to take a breath, it would go back in.

At this point I became scared. I remember asking the doctor, “What if I can’t push him out”. I was done… all I wanted was for this to be over. With every push I would pray “Please Lord, give me the strength”. I became determined. I pushed harder than I ever had. With those pushes I could tell something was happening. I could hear the nurses moving things around, but I still couldn’t see (due to the pain). There was a lot of commotion, and Kevin was squeezing my hand and seemed very excited. The top of his head was finally out (and stayed out). They grabbed my hand and placed it on his head. I could feel his hair, and knew that everything would soon be over. I pushed maybe one or two more times and I felt relief! His head was all the way out. They coached me when to push again, and with a big gush, he was out! After trying to become pregnant for 18 months, a miscarriage, waiting a long 9 months to meet my baby and 31 hours of labor, he was born at 3:50 pm on April 3^rd, 2011!

They placed him on my chest, but the only thing I could concentrate on were the words coming out of the doctor’s mouth… “We’ve got meconium”. As Kael laid on my chest and I tried to regain eyesight to see my baby, there was a lot going on at once. There was a nurse on either side of my bed. One was rubbing him down, trying to get all of the poop and other junk off of him. The other was shoving tubes down his throat. All of a sudden I see the doctor cut the cord, and the nurses whisk him off of my chest, and onto the little work station that was in my room (there is not a nursery at this hospital, so everything was done in my room). Once again all I could think was, “Kevin was supposed to cut the cord!” My birth plan was a bust… nothing went the way it was “supposed” to. At this point I could hear the doctor ordering stuff to stitch me up. My legs were still up on the squatting bar and were still shaking uncontrollably. I could still feel everything, and at that point I felt something sort of slide out- I had delivered the placenta. At that point a nurse nearly jumped on top of me and began rubbing my stomach. I could feel fluid and blood gushing out. It hurt when she pushed down on me. I was tired and sore and wanted to yell at her to get off of me! All I wanted was to hold my baby. He was supposed to get skin-to-skin time immediately. He was supposed to breast feed before he was taken from me. Everything had gone wrong and I was upset and frustrated. Why had things gone the way they did? Would it have been better if I had gotten the epidural from the beginning, or if I had been able to hold it together longer and continue with the natural birth. I was upset with myself…with my body. Why had it been so difficult and long? But I just kept looking over at my baby and couldn’t help but smile. He was worth every long contraction, every push, every ounce of pain.

The doctor began to stitch me up, and I asked her how bad it was. When her response was, “ehhh…” I knew it was bad. I had a fourth degree tear, meaning I ripped hole to hole and all through the muscle as well. I could feel her stitching me up, but the pain of a needle poking my privates felt like nothing compared to what I had just been through. My focus was on Kael. I needed them to bring him back to me. As I watched, they continued to try to get him to cry. His arms and legs were blue, and his left ear was folded in half. I wanted to know he was okay, but more than anything I wanted him in my arms! Finally, they brought him over. I was overwhelmed with emotion. This tiny person who had just been inside of me, was now laying on top of me, our skin touching, building a bond between mother and son. I looked up at Kevin, and all I could do was thank God for giving me everything that I had ever wanted.

Birth Story- Part 1

The weekend Kael was born seemed just like any other weekend I had experienced throughout my entire pregnancy. I was past due, and of course was extremely ready to meet my baby boy, but didn’t feel any different. Kevin was off all weekend, and Friday April 1^st was the first night that I noticed something had changed. I was tired a lot during the pregnancy, but for some reason that night I was just exhausted. Kevin and I were laying on the couch watching movies, and I fell asleep around 7:30 pm. I crawled into bed soon after. If only I had known that would be the last night I would ever sleep so soundly.

I woke up Saturday April 2^nd around 7:30 am. Kevin and I made a nice breakfast, but I just wasn’t feeling “right”. As soon as we finished eating, around 9 am, I told Kevin I wanted to crawl back into bed. I was having really bad lower back pain and some cramping, and the only comfortable position I could find was laying in bed curled into a ball. As the time progressed, the cramps became more intense. At this point I was getting pretty uncomfortable and started to think that this could possibly be the beginning of labor. Kevin and I Googled what cramps/back pain could mean, but nothing was very helpful. I dozed in and out of sleep, while Kevin kept me company by playing games on the iPad. Eventually we both became hungry again, and decided to go fix lunch. Once we finished eating, we decided to watch Letters to Juliet. Throughout the movie, the cramping became more intense and that was when I realized I had been having REAL contractions all morning, and that this could be it! We started timing them, and they were about 7 minutes apart. By the end of the movie, they were more intense and coming every 4 minutes.

Since we were planning on a natural birth, we didn’t rush to the hospital. The contractions were definitely uncomfortable, but were manageable. I kept thinking, “this isn’t as bad as I thought it would be”. Around 2 pm we decided that we would do some cleaning, take showers, and then head to the hospital just to see where I was at. We didn’t rush, and both of us were actually pretty calm. We left the house spotless, and ready to welcome a new baby (something that I had been obsessing about for months). I was able to take a relaxing shower, and was actually shocked at how insignificant certain things became. I always thought that I would make sure that my legs were shaved, and my hair and makeup looked nice (knowing that there would be pictures takes). Instead, I enjoyed the relaxation, and soaked in the thought of getting to finally meet my son. It wasn’t about me anymore.

We left the house around 3:30-4pm. We drove into town, and actually stopped to eat at Subway. I knew I wouldn’t be able to eat if I was admitted, and I wanted to make sure I ate dinner before I had to endure the marathon of labor. I had to breathe through the contractions, but they still were manageable, and I felt more excited and anxious than anything. Once we finished eating, we headed to the hospital, and a huge wave of emotion came over me- this was it! I knew as a first timer, my labor would be long, and I was expecting to meet my son in about 12-14 hours. We arrived at the hospital at 5 pm.

Once we were admitted, I was taken to triage. I was hooked up to the monitors, where the nurse was able to see that I was having obvious contractions every 4 minutes. She monitored me and Kael for about 20 minutes, then finally did an internal exam. At my previous doctor’s visit (March 29^th) I was 1 cm and 20% effaced- I was now 3 cm and 75% effaced. The nurse let us know that they would want us to stay, and she began to get our room ready. She looked over our birth plan and followed it exactly. She took me off the monitors, and asked if I wanted to go walk the halls, and we did. We walked up and down, up and down, up and down. The hospital in Kodiak is very small (only 4 birthing rooms!), so we walked up and down the same two hallways over and over again. We finally decided to take a little break, and went into our room. We sat and played a game of Skip-Bo, which I won! I was thankful it ended when it did since the contractions were starting to pick up a little more at that point.

Time began to blur. As the night progressed, so did the contractions. I was determined to have a natural birth, so I used hot showers and the birthing ball to help reduce as much pain as possible. Kevin slept on and off most of the night, which was frustrating for me. I needed his help…his support. I was wishing more than ever we would have invested in a doula. Until roughly 3 am, I held it together. At this point, I was tired. The contractions were coming fast and strong. I would have 3 back to back, and then a 3 minute break. Breathing through them helped, but I was already exhausted. I finally asked the nurse for something. I was given an IV with a low dose of pain medication to help take the edge off of the pain… it didn’t work. I tried sleeping, but every contraction continued to wake me up. At this point I was really beginning to lose it. I was tired, and kept thinking that this was the easy part… I still had to push! The nurse came in again around 5 am and I asked her to check my progress. I was at 6 cm, which meant I was only progressing 1 cm every FOUR hours! That was when I caved. After 21 hours of labor, 12 of which were in the hospital, I couldn’t take it anymore, and I got my epidural at 6 am. It was a battle in my head- I felt like a failure since I wasn’t able to pull it together for the natural birth I wanted, but at the same time the pain was unbelievable.

Things changed so quickly once I received my epidural. The epidural provided instant relief, but I never went completely numb. I was able to move my toes and feel my legs (although they felt heavy) the entire time. Soon after receiving the epidural, the doctor came in and broke my water. They also started me on pitocin to help speed things along. The pitocin only lasted about 5 minutes, because Kael’s heart rate dropped almost immediately. Once things calmed down, I was finally able to sleep for about 3 hours, and felt so refreshed. Kevin and I were able to actually carry on a conversation again. By noon I was fully dilated. Kael was still high up, so they wanted me to “labor down”, meaning just kind of sit around and let the contractions do the work of bringing him down. After an hour, they checked again, and he was still high, so they kept telling me to just wait. At this point, the epidural had worn off. I could once again feel the contractions, and the heaviness I had felt in my legs was gone. The pain was unbearable. I wanted to cry, but tears wouldn’t come out. By 1:30 pm I couldn’t wait anymore… I HAD to start pushing. The pain was bad…really bad! The nurse helped me try out different positions to help relieve some of the pressure, and help bring down Kael. The only position that didn’t make me want to scream was using the squatting bar. After pulling myself up into a squatting position for 45 minutes my arms felt like they were going to give out. They had me start putting my feet up on the squatting bar, and that seemed to work just as well.