Birth Story- Part 2

The time went on and on. I was pushing for what felt like forever! All I wanted was to meet my son. I didn’t understand what was taking so long. I could feel every contraction, I knew exactly when to push, and I pushed long and hard. I will admit, the longer it took, the harder I pushed. I was exhausted, worn out, and was in extreme pain, but I wanted it to be over as quickly as possible. I couldn’t see anything, and my eyes were rolling to the back of my head. I remember screaming… A LOT. I never thought I would be one of those women. You know, the ones you see on TV or in the movies who are screaming at the top of their lungs, but guess what… I was. I couldn’t control myself. To be honest I don’t remember much of the pushing part of labor other than feeling frantic. All I wanted was for it to be over. At one point I remember screaming at the doctor, “I can feel EVERYTHING!” I started having cramps in my right hip which caused my entire body to start shaking. I had a blood pressure cuff on the entire time, which would tighten every 3 minutes. I remember screaming at the nurse to take it off of me because it would get so tight.

This continued for hours… 2 ½ hours to be exact. I pushed harder and harder with each contraction, just hoping that he would come with that push. Finally the doctor decided to try the vacuum. It didn’t work. She then had the nurse bring in a different vacuum which was connected to a compressor and had more power. Still didn’t work. After a few more pushes, I felt her cut me. The first thing I thought was, “That wasn’t in my birth plan!” I did not want an episiotomy, but it had already been done. I knew things were not going well at that point. Although my doctor was very calm, it seemed like everything she tried to do to help me failed. More and more nurses came into the room. He was so close, yet so far. They could see his head, but it felt like they had been saying that the entire time. To be honest, the way Kevin described it was he looked like a “prairie dog”. The top of his head would come out as I pushed, but as soon as I stopped to take a breath, it would go back in.

At this point I became scared. I remember asking the doctor, “What if I can’t push him out”. I was done… all I wanted was for this to be over. With every push I would pray “Please Lord, give me the strength”. I became determined. I pushed harder than I ever had. With those pushes I could tell something was happening. I could hear the nurses moving things around, but I still couldn’t see (due to the pain). There was a lot of commotion, and Kevin was squeezing my hand and seemed very excited. The top of his head was finally out (and stayed out). They grabbed my hand and placed it on his head. I could feel his hair, and knew that everything would soon be over. I pushed maybe one or two more times and I felt relief! His head was all the way out. They coached me when to push again, and with a big gush, he was out! After trying to become pregnant for 18 months, a miscarriage, waiting a long 9 months to meet my baby and 31 hours of labor, he was born at 3:50 pm on April 3^rd, 2011!

They placed him on my chest, but the only thing I could concentrate on were the words coming out of the doctor’s mouth… “We’ve got meconium”. As Kael laid on my chest and I tried to regain eyesight to see my baby, there was a lot going on at once. There was a nurse on either side of my bed. One was rubbing him down, trying to get all of the poop and other junk off of him. The other was shoving tubes down his throat. All of a sudden I see the doctor cut the cord, and the nurses whisk him off of my chest, and onto the little work station that was in my room (there is not a nursery at this hospital, so everything was done in my room). Once again all I could think was, “Kevin was supposed to cut the cord!” My birth plan was a bust… nothing went the way it was “supposed” to. At this point I could hear the doctor ordering stuff to stitch me up. My legs were still up on the squatting bar and were still shaking uncontrollably. I could still feel everything, and at that point I felt something sort of slide out- I had delivered the placenta. At that point a nurse nearly jumped on top of me and began rubbing my stomach. I could feel fluid and blood gushing out. It hurt when she pushed down on me. I was tired and sore and wanted to yell at her to get off of me! All I wanted was to hold my baby. He was supposed to get skin-to-skin time immediately. He was supposed to breast feed before he was taken from me. Everything had gone wrong and I was upset and frustrated. Why had things gone the way they did? Would it have been better if I had gotten the epidural from the beginning, or if I had been able to hold it together longer and continue with the natural birth. I was upset with myself…with my body. Why had it been so difficult and long? But I just kept looking over at my baby and couldn’t help but smile. He was worth every long contraction, every push, every ounce of pain.

The doctor began to stitch me up, and I asked her how bad it was. When her response was, “ehhh…” I knew it was bad. I had a fourth degree tear, meaning I ripped hole to hole and all through the muscle as well. I could feel her stitching me up, but the pain of a needle poking my privates felt like nothing compared to what I had just been through. My focus was on Kael. I needed them to bring him back to me. As I watched, they continued to try to get him to cry. His arms and legs were blue, and his left ear was folded in half. I wanted to know he was okay, but more than anything I wanted him in my arms! Finally, they brought him over. I was overwhelmed with emotion. This tiny person who had just been inside of me, was now laying on top of me, our skin touching, building a bond between mother and son. I looked up at Kevin, and all I could do was thank God for giving me everything that I had ever wanted.