The Chronicles of a Sleep Deprived Mom (Background and Night 1)

Ok sorry... I had to start off with a super cute picture. I wasn't able to upload any on my 6 month update, so here it is! Plus, even with all the frustration and misery I have been feeling lately, when I see that little face in the morning, it reminds me that I would do anything for that little guy!

So in my last post I sort of touched base on the sleep issues we have been facing. It really seemed to come out of nowhere. Well, I take that back. Once he figured out how to roll over in his sleep, the sleep seemed to stop. I immediately thought he must have had an ear infection, but we took him in, and his ears looked fine. I tried to blame it on teething, but teeth still have not appeared, and it has been well over a month. So here we are... totally sleepless. Which isn't a good look on any of us. It results in a cranky baby, a pissy mommy, and a lot of arguing between mommy and daddy.

I thought I couldn't handle the whole cry it out (CIO) method, so I bought a book that was a much gentler approach and really emphasized loving on your baby, rocking them, nursing, etc. I thought it would be perfect. But basically they said let the baby run the show... I was already doing everything they said to do, and was waking at minimum every 2 hours at night. I ditched that book REAL fast!

I downloaded a sample of Ferber's book on iBooks, and read the first 2 chapters. I decided it would be worth a shot, and was planning on buying it Friday. We had Kael's 6 month well check appointment that afternoon, and after talking to the doctor, I decided to not even buy the book. I would use what I could find online, and the doctor's recommendation (use earplugs and let him cry).

So my plan was this:

1. I would still nurse him at bedtime. If he fell asleep, okay. If not, I would lay him down in his crib once he finished and was drowsy.
2. I wasn't going to just let him cry and not go in and check on him. This is where Ferber stepped in and I used his gradual approach. I would let him cry for 3 minutes, then go and check on him. Then wait 5 minutes before checking on him again, and then 10 minutes. Never taking him out of the crib, or talking to him. Just patting his back and telling him "shhhh".
3. I also wasn't sure how long he could go without nursing. In the past, 9 hours was the longest he had gone without eating. I also knew that I was throwing in weening with the CIO, so I was expecting the absolute worst. I told myself that I would give him 10 hours and then I would feed him since that was an improvement from his previous 9 hours.
4. I wanted to stick with our normal bedtime routine as much as possible. It is typically like this: dinner at 6, bath at 6:30, read a book or two, and then nurse around 6:45 and he is asleep by 7

So here we go...

Night One-Friday:

• We followed our typical bedtime routine. Kael nursed and was asleep by 7 pm. When I went to lay him in his crib, he woke up. I kissed him, told him I loved him and good night, and left him.
• He rolled around and played for 20 minutes. At 7:21 he began to cry. I waited 3 minutes, went and patted his back, and left. Went back in after 5 minutes, and again after 10. Right around the 20 minute mark, he fell asleep.
• He slept for a solid 4 hours, and then woke at 12, 2:30, 3:30, 4:30, and 5:30
• Thankfully each waking consisted of 3-4 minutes of crying and then he was right back to sleep
• When he woke at 5:30, I decided to go ahead and feed him. He was still slightly awake when I laid him back down. He whined a little, and then was right back to sleep.
• He woke at 8:30am fussing, which is not normal. Typically he wakes up in a very good mood. When I went to pick him up, I realized he had peed through his diaper, pajamas, and sheet (hence the fussing...). Once he was changed, he was back to him normal happy self.
• The biggest shock of all came at nap time. He actually took two 1.5 hour long naps. His normal nap schedule is 3, 30 minute naps.

I know some people believe letting their child cry it out makes them more clingy and dependant on their parents, but I haven't seen this at all. Kael seemed happier, and although he was more snuggly before his naps, I didn't mind that at all!

I was worried that the only reason it wasn't as bad as I was anticipating was because he had received shots Friday afternoon and I thought they might have helped knock him out. I guess we will see...

Half Way to One!

Dear Baby Kael,

Please stop growing so fast! How has it already been 6 months since the day you were born?!? Time is flying by so fast, and every once in a while I just want to hit the pause button (especially when you give me one of your famous smiles where you squish your face and your eyes get squinty).

I love you more than anything, and there are times I still get tears in my eyes when I look at you and realize that you are mine! I waited so long to have you in my life, and I am a better person because of you. I can't wait to see what is in store for us in the next 6 months to come!

I love you to the moon and back!

Love,

Mom

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For all of those who read this and are mothers, I'm sure you know exactly where I am coming from. 6 months seems to be such a HUGE breaking point. At times I think he is still my little baby, but then when I really look at him and watch him, I realize he isn't a baby anymore. He is this little person who is learning new things each and every day. He is developing mentally and physically over night (literally!). He is halfway to that one year old mark, and to be completely honest, that makes me an emotional train wreck. I can't imagine him being a year old! I know I am jumping ahead of myself, but after seeing how fast these first 6 months went, I know the next 6 are going to FLY by.

After Kael has gone to bed at night, I find myself looking through all of his pictures, starting with the day he was born. It blows my mind how much he has changed in such a short amount of time. He is such a funny little guy, and I love getting to see his personality develop.

He had his 6 month well check appointment yesterday, and he is weighing in at 17 pounds 3 ounces. I didn't get a chance to see how long he was because he was screaming at the top of his lungs. He must be developing stranger anxiety, because anytime one of the nurses or doctor got too close for comfort he lost it.

First of all... he is ALL BOY! He is a mover, who does not like to sit still. He gets bored easily, and will whine as he scoots/crawls across the room until he finds something that is worth while. He is chewing on everything in sight, and although he appears to be teething, he has had the same symptoms for months now, and still no teeth to prove it. He enjoys standing up and even moves his feet in the walking motion if I hold his hands and we move across the room (I have a feeling he is going to be an early walker). He is very independent and even more hard headed. He is a man on a mission when he sees something he wants, and nothing can get in his way. He is beginning to pull himself up, but gets sort of stuck and freaks out. He loves different textures, and has become obsessed with the rug in our kitchen and Winston's hair.

The biggest milestones this month are:

• He has totally mastered sitting up, and can now lay himself down onto his stomach from the sitting position.
• He is scooting/crawling. He is a speedy scooter (I like to call it the army crawl), and is getting up all fours and trying to figure out how to move that way
• He is attempting to pull up, and will stay unsupported in the standing position for a few minutes at a time
• He is picking up food with his whole hand and feeding himself

We have tried nearly every food possible. Carrots, Sweet Potatos, and Peas are his favorite veggies. He is not a big fan of Squash or Green Beans. He has also tried apples, bananas, pears, and pineapple and loves them all.

The biggest problem we are having right now is sleep (or should I say LACK of sleep...) After about 2 weeks in his own room, he came back to the pack n play in our room. His sleep schedule has been AWFUL and has left me tired and miserable. He has started waking multiple times a night, and some nights it is as often as every hour. It has been a real struggle, and I think my frustration really stemmed from the knowledge that he had been sleeping through the night at such a young age, and it seemed to have just disappeared! After desperately buying the "no cry" sleep solution book and getting absolutely nowhere with that, we have started the Ferber method this weekend, after consulting with his doctor of coarse. Last night was our first night, and although it was tough, it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would have been. He cried for 20 minutes when I put him down for the night. I went in after 3 minutes, then 5, and then 10. He slept for a solid 4 hours after falling asleep. He woke at 12, 2:30, and 3:30 and went back to sleep after crying for only 3-4 minutes. When he woke at 5:30, I cracked and went ahead and fed him (I felt like 10.5 hours was long enough). He went right back to sleep, and slept soundly until 8:30. But the most amazing thing of all... he took 2 naps today that were each an hour and half long!! That NEVER happens! His naps are usually only 30 minutes, so this was a very nice improvement. I will let you know how the next few nights go.

We are slowly introducing the sippy cup, although I am only putting water in it. For some reason I am not really into the idea of giving him juice. He did really well with his cup, and although he mostly just chews on it, he has the right concept of lifting it to his mouth. The cup we got is pretty cool too. It came with two different nipples, the first being similar to a bottle nipple, and then the more "normal" sippy cup nipple. I'm assuming once he gets the hang of how to use the cup, we will switch to the other nipple.

I am still breast feeding, and although it is taking a lot of work, I am planning on sticking it out until he is one. I love getting to nurse him, and knowing that he is getting the best nutrition possible. I am just having a tough time making sure I pump enough to have milk for him while he is at daycare. I typically am able to pump 4-5 ounces in two pumping sessions, which is enough for one bottle (my body doesn't seem to react well to the pump anymore). The days that he needs 2 bottles at daycare are when I seem to get in a real tough spot. I don't get time to pump at work, so that doesn't help either. I try to sneak away to feed him once a day, but sometimes that just isn't possible, and those days are tough. I think the most formula he has had, is 4 ounces in one day (we had to add 2 ounces of formula to two of his bottles one Saturday when I had an all day training). He wont drink the formula by itself, but if I hide it with another 2-3 ounces of breastmilk he will.

I am so excited for his first Halloween!! His costume(s) is top secret, and I can't wait to post pictures! He is supposed to have his 6 month photo shoot at the end of the month as well, although we are in the process of having it rescheduled because of dad's work... I'm hoping they go better than his "school" pictures they did at the daycare, because he cried the entire time for those (back to the whole stranger anxiety thing...).

Oh, and lastly... he has developed an obsession for Mickey Mouse Clubhouse! I know it probably isn't the best idea to have him watching TV, but sometimes it is the only thing that will keep him entertained! We had been planning on doing a beach/pirate theme for his first birthday, but now we are thinking we might need to go with Mickey! I'm hoping he will still love Mickey when he sees him in person in January! :)

** I have sat and waited for my pictures to load for nearly 30 minutes so I am giving up. I will try to post them again tomorrow!

5 Months

The weekend Kael turned 5 months old was jam packed with fun (which resulted in a lack of updating). I hate these in between months that don't have well check appointments since I have no clue how much he has grown (although I don't mind dealing with the shots at all!)

Kael is a machine. He is all boy and likes to MOVE. He rarely stays still, and alot of times looks like he should be swimming, the way he moves his arms and legs when he is on his belly. We will more than likely take him to the pool next weekend, and I can't wait to see how he likes it!

But... onto the updates!

One of the most exciting milestones Kael has reached is he is starting to sit up unsupported. He is still wobbly, but he is increasing the amount of time he can stay up on his own, and really seems to enjoy the new kind of view he gets.

We started cereal and food pretty early. He just always seemed like he needed something more to help hold him over. Since adding food to his diet, he has moved from nursing every 2 hours to every 2.5-3 hours (thank God!). So far, he has tried apples, bananas, and sweet potatoes. He was not a fan of the fruit in the beginning, and is just now starting to warm up to them. He loved sweet potatoes from the very first taste. We will be introducing peas, carrots, and pears over the next 2-3 weeks. Sadly, I have given up on making his baby food. I tried... I swear I did! But he refused to eat it! I will admit... I'm not very good at cooking, and apparently I'm not good at mashing/pureeing either! But we are sticking with all organic, and I feel like if I'm not able to make his baby food, this is the next best thing.

We got our first cold front, and Kael was finally able to buy the first outfit his auntie Lauren ever bought him (and just in time, he was about to outgrow it!)

(check out those toes... I just want to eat them!!)

We moved Kael into his own room. :( It was one of the hardest things I have had to do so far! He did pretty good- although his sleep schedule has been totally out of whack. From the picture, you can see that he has learned to roll onto his side while he is sleeping... but more than that, he is now rolling onto his stomach as well. My assumption is that when he startles or wakes a little, and he is on his stomach, he becomes really confused and can't soothe himself back to sleep. He had been sleeping 9 hour stretches, and then this rolling over thing ruined everything! He started waking about every 45 minutes. We thought he had an ear infection- nope. We thought it was teething- nope. So we are back to the rolling thing... last night in pure desperation I stuck a pillow next to Kael's belly/legs (don't worry, it was FAR from his face) to keep him from rolling, and guess what... he slept!!

Here is his typical 5 month picture. It is getting so much harder to get a good picture of him since he is wiggling around so much these days! Never the less, that smile is all I need to consider this picture perfect. :)

The day Kael turned 5 months old, we took him to his first rodeo. It was the Kodiak fair and rodeo, and we had a blast! It made me so homesick, even though the rodeo was pitiful compared to what we are used to. It was a rainy and nasty day (big surprise considering where we live), but it was still worth it. Kael loved the animals (his favorite was the chicken...), I loved watching the rodeo, and Kevin loved to pulled pork sandwiches. It was perfect.

It has only taken me about a week to get this post finished. I am fairly certain we might have a hyper active child. He refuses to sit still, and gets bored so easily. I'm glad that he is so into the world around him, but I never get a break! Anyway... we took him to the doctor this week for a cough that he has had for a while, so we got his weight.

drum roll please...................16 pounds 10 ounces!

How in the world in my little man so big already?!?

And just for fun, here are pictures of Kael giving mommy and daddy some of his famous baby kisses! I love those drooly, open mouth kisses more than anything!

I absolutely LOVE the way he is holding Kevin's face! Heart warming...

Mommy Moment

Tomorrow Kael turns 5 months old. I should be starting on that post, but I can't seem to wrap my head around it. I find myself asking, "how is this possible? How has it already been 5 months?" Which then turns into..."If these 5 months have already gone by this fast, he is going to be one in the blink of an eye!"

I think you see where I'm going with that... As soon as I realize that he is growing (and I can't stop it) and the time is flying by, I start realize that he is not going to stay this little for very long. I know there is lots of fun in store in the months/years to come. I look forward to him walking and talking. I can't wait to hear him say "mama" for the first time, or for him to actually run up to give me a hug and a kiss. But a huge part of me is not ready to let go of this baby stage. I know you probably think I am nuts... he is only 5 months old. But he wont be for long.

I have had 4 friends within the past week announced their pregnancies. On top of the 3 other friends who are further along, that is a grand total of 7! Of coarse there is NO way that Kevin and I would start trying for another baby right now, but it gives me a weird longing in my chest. I miss being pregnant. I miss the excitement and anticipation. I miss the little nudges and listening to the tiny heart beating inside of my belly. I miss having a big ol' belly and being able to watch my baby move across it.

But then I have to stop myself. I may miss the joys of pregnancy, but that whole 9 months led to this... what I have sleeping in his own room for the first time. A sweet baby boy who has his dad's nose and lots and lots of gorgeous hair. A tiny mole on his right shoulder and chubby little toes. A smile that can bring tears to my eyes and a laugh that is contagious.

I look at him, and I can't help but to thank God. I immediately realize how truly blessed I am. He was the answer to my prayers, and it was Kael that we waited so long for.

I have found myself envious lately. I envy my friends buying their first homes, who have good jobs, and nice cars. I am especially envious of those who live close to family and friends. And I have struggled with these feelings countless times. But every time I begin to feel defeated, all I have to do is look at Kael. We may live thousands of miles away from our loved ones, in a crappy military 4-plex, where I work for a little more than minimum wage, and drive an older car... but I have him... and nothing else matters. The luxuries that I once yearned for, mean little to me now. As long as I have Kevin and Kael, I am happy. I am thankful for what God has given us, and I can't wait to see what else he has in store.

On a side note... my cousin is going through a lot right now. A week ago, several tumors were found on her husbands lungs and kidneys. He will be going to MD Anderson in Houston on Tuesday. Please keep their family in your thoughts and prayers. They have two kids- a sophomore in high school and an 8th grader. I can't imagine what they are feeling right now, and wish more than ever that I could be there to offer some support.

Mid Month Check-In

Alright, it's a little more than mid month, and really only about a week before Kael turns 5 months old, but things are happening and changing so quickly that I feel like I need to start updating more often.

I never did get to post his "usual" pose for his 4 month shoot- so here it is.

I know I am slightly biased, but isn't he cute! He is going to be a heartbreaker...

Well, where to begin?

This month Kevin and I celebrated our 3 year anniversary. We have been together for roughly TEN years! We met and started dating when I was a freshman in high school, a mere 14 years old! We had our rough patches and did the whole break up/get back together thing, but I always knew that he was my soul mate. Kevin has been by my side through everything and I mean everything! He has seen me at my absolute lowest and has helped pick me up and wipe the dirt off my back. He is my best friend, and my biggest support. This anniversary was so different than the rest, we have Kael. The previous two anniversaries, I was pregnant. Having Kael here this year was just a reminder of how truly blessed we are. Kevin is an amazing father, and I can't wait to watch Kael follow his daddy's foot steps. Here is Kael the morning of our anniversary. His shirt says, "Daddy and I Love Mommy" :)

We went for our first jog together. He was a trooper, and lasted a whopping ten minutes before he was passed out. I on the other hand, had my butt handed to me on a silver platter! Pushing that little chunk was much tougher than I anticipated. I made it through my jog with a few more walking breaks than I hoped for, but was thankful we were able to get out and enjoy some of the beautiful Alaska weather we have been having. Sadly, the day we went for a run was the last nice day we have had in about 2 weeks... it is back to being cold (mid 50's) and rainy. So long summer... hello nasty winter!

He is all over the place now! Putting him on his quilt is pretty pointless since he manages to roll himself off within a matter of seconds. You can tell he is pretty proud of himself too.

We took Kael to his first church service, and other than spewing all over me, the pew, and the floor, he did great! He enjoyed the singing and was intrigued by the ceiling fans. He fell asleep about halfway through the sermon, and was out the rest of the service. The church family was amazing and so welcoming. It is a tiny church where everyone knows each other, and just made us feel right at home. Oh, he also got several compliments on his hair. :) After church we went to have lunch at on of our few restaurants, and Kael was just not having it in his carseat. We tried putting him in one of the high chairs, and he was in heaven! It was like he felt like he was part of the conversation, and just looked around at all people around us.

Kael also had his first haircut this month! We have really been debating on when we would be doing this, and had originally agreed to 6 months. This past week I went in for a hair cut, and when Kevin and Kael came to pick me up, Kevin finally caved and said we could cut it! The lady who cut his hair was GREAT and really didn't cut much off at all. She had Kael sit on my lap, and kept him distracted by letting him play with some of her combs. I was really happy with how it turned out. She mainly cut off his mullet in the back, took a little off one side to help even it out (that darn bald side!), and cut a little off the top so it didn't hang in his eyes. I can't really tell he even got it cut- although Kevin swears he can! He is blurry in all of the pictures since he was moving so much. :(

I guess that is all of the MAJOR stuff that has happened this month. I wont spoil everything so I will still have something to write about for his 5 month post.

Baby Kael... can you please slow down?!?

Reality

After reading a friend's blog last night, I laughed to myself as I began to realize something. While I was pregnant, I had all sorts of "ideas" as to how I would do things once my bundle of joy arrived. Of coarse, the majority of them went straight out the window once Kael joined us, and I'm just wondering if this is how most moms have felt.

Here are a few examples:

Thought- My baby will not leave the house (except for Dr. visits) until he is 6 weeks old.

Reality- After his Dr. appointment at 4 days old, we made a trip to Walmart and went and had Mexican food

Thought- He will only sleep in his pack-n-play in our room until he is a month old

Reality- He is still sleeping there... and he is 4 months old!

Thought- I wont cut his hair until he is a year old

Reality- I would cut it right now if Kevin would let me! Our agreement is 6 months

Thought-He is going to wear baby jeans and shoes everyday (just because they are so cute!)

Reality- He wears "stretchy" pants when he is at daycare, but as soon as we get home even those get stripped off! I would rather him be comfy than cute

Thought- I'll breastfeed for 3 months MAX

Reality- I have fallen in love with breastfeeding, and will probably continue until he is one (the fact that he refuses formula plays a role in that decision as well...)

Thought- No trying for another baby until he is at least two

Reality- I think about having another baby ALL.THE.TIME. I feel really guilty about it too. Will we try for another one right now... NO WAY, but I'm pretty sure once he is a year old we will start trying again.

4 Months Old

Every month I think to myself... how is this possible?!? It is amazing how fast time flies by when you want to cherish every single moment. I look at Kael every morning and wonder to myself, "is it possible that I love him even more than yesterday?" I feel like with every day that passes, my heart just grows a little bit more. I miss having a newborn, but getting to look at a smile like this one...
Makes everything that much more exciting. It makes me excited to watch his personality continue to grow, each milestone, his first steps, his first words... there is just so much to look forwards to! Although I can already tell I am going to have my hands full! He is not "easy going"- but rather a busy body. He gets bored quickly, and wants to go, go, go!

At about 3 months, 3 weeks Kael found his toes... and has become obsessed! Anytime he lays on his back, he immediately grabs his toes. He is slowly starting to figure out how to put them in his mouth as well. I can't put him in his bumbo seat anymore either, since all he does is bend over and grab at his feet and try to pull them to his mouth- it pretty much defeats the purpose of the chair!

At 3 months, 2 weeks Kael rolled over from back to belly... and hasn't stopped! He doesn't stay on his back for very long before he flips himself over. After 2 weeks of rolling like this, he learned how to roll back and forth between back and belly. I will walk out of the kitchen into the living room, and he will be half way to the kitchen, leaving his blanket far behind! Once he got the hang of rolling down, he began pivoting. Once he gets himself onto his belly, he pivots himself around in a circle until he can see what it is he is looking for, or grab the toy he wants. Needless to say... I don't think we have much longer before he begins scooting and crawling (which is scary to think about!).
This is the 8th week that he has been in daycare (and I have been back to work!) Seriously?! How did that happen?!? As much as I dreaded having to put him in daycare, I am actually really glad that he is there. It's amazing to watch him already interacting with the other babies. He loves to watch the older babies crawl past him (he tries to grab their hair!) or jump up and down in the exersaucer next to him. He smiles at them, and even reaches out to touch their hands or feet. There are two other babies that are just days apart from him (and another one about to start soon), so half the class is 4 month olds! It's interesting to see where each of them are at developmentally, and to see how they each grow and learn at their own rate.
We have also started rice cereal. I am using Earth's Best Organic Whole Grain cereal, and he LOVES it. He is eating about 2-3 tablespoons with an ounce of breast milk for breakfast and dinner. He devours it! He has come a long way with the spoon, and has no problems with it anymore. I am still debating when we will start fruits and vegetables. I know it is a sore topic with most parents, as far as when you should start, but his doctor told us that as soon as he is comfortable with the spoon and cereal, to go ahead and start slowly adding in the rest. I plan on making my own, and will probably start him off with avocado and green beans. I'd like to wait until he is 5 months, but with the rate he is going, I wouldn't be surprised if I started earlier.

This past Friday, he had his 4 month well child check. He is 26 1/4 inches long (90th percentile) and 15 pounds 13 ounces (50-75th percentile). They are still concerned about the flat spot on the one side of his head, and continue to gripe at me to keep him off the back of his head. I don't know how to do that anymore! He rarely does lay on his back other than when he is sleeping, and I switch which direction he is lying each night. My biggest fear is that they will eventually tell us that he will need a helmet to reshape his head, although I really doubt his flat spot is that bad.

He is still doing good with his sleep, going from 8pm-5am pretty much every night. He eats at 5, then goes back to sleep until 7:30am. He is starting to stretch his feedings out to 2.5-3 hours during the day. He typically takes 3-4 naps, each lasting about an hour. He is becoming very predictable, in the sense that he is eating and napping at almost the exact same times each day.

We have moved up to size 3 diapers, and he is now wearing 6-9 month clothes.

He is vocal, and loves chatting away with anyone who will listen. He is starting to say "ba" and use consonant sounds. He has the sweetest laugh, and singing, tickling, big/dramatic bounces on your knee, and kissing his neck will make him giggle.

He is losing the hair on the right side of his head :( He looks like he has a real old-man comb over now! It breaks my heart, but I know it will grow back. We still aren't completely sure what color hair he is going to have. Some days it looks very light and golden brown, but other days it looks much darker with a red tinge. I guess only time will tell! We have also agreed that we will cut his hair at 6 months. I'm ready to cut it now! His mullet is BAD, and the top is so long I can't even try to spike it up anymore, but Kevin is the one putting his foot down on this matter.

My heart is happy... I love my son more than words can express, and every night before I go to bed I can't help but thank God for giving me everything that I have ever wanted. :)